... Teitelbaum v. Teitelbaum and the Birth of Responsible Cycling

If you live in Brooklyn and ride a bicycle, it is likely that Bedford Avenue is not only convenient for you, but downright necessary. That's why when the city had 14 blocks of it ripped up from Flushing Avenue to Division Avenue last week, pretty much everyone on two wheels got pissed.

A lot of strong words and sweeping accusations were made as to the reasoning behind the bike lane's removal, but in the 'end' nobody's gotten a straight answer from either the Hasidic community through which the lane passed, or any city agencies (It should be noted that the stretch of removed lane lies squarely within the portion of Williamsburg most densely populated by the Hasids) directly responsible.

The silence of the City, to say the least, is rather troubling. I for one don't like knowing that the government (at any scale) has the blatant disregard for its own citizenry to refuse to explain what it is doing, especially when what it is doing has a dramatic and adverse effect on its "green" ambitions and public safety.

For better or worse, hundreds if not thousands of cyclists ride this road every day to access both manhattan via the bridge and North Williamsburg; so it is to be expected that some bored hipsters would get it in their heads to retaliate with the only weapons they have -- art supplies and oodles of free time.



Rumor had it that these "gorillas" (whatever that means) were stopped by the Hasid community watch (Shomrim) who then notified the NYPD, who then arrested those involved. Of course, that rumor came from a Hasidic blog and turned out to be completely false. While both the Shomrim and NYPD showed up, nobody was arrested and nobody was even issued a summons. then again, nobody ever said Hasids held ideals of virtue and truth too high...

Despite what I just wrote, I don't like to pass judgment on a people before I know all I can about them and their customs. I have spent a great deal of time trying desperately to understand the mentality of Hasidic Jews and why they do the seemingly illogical and anti social things they do...

Unfortunately, I have had little to no luck on this front, thanks in large part to the tradition of strict isolationism they practice; so I am left only with speculation. However, there are a few things one can surmise peering in on their society from without:

First, Hasids have a deep-seated belief in "god" (aka yaweh), and must be so convinced both that he exists and that they are his chosen people, they have absolutely no fear of death, which is evidenced by the alarming frequency and heedlessness with which they jaywalk on every roadway that may stand in their way.

What's even worse is the fact that cavalier attitude toward very dangerous traffic sets an extremely bad example for their children, who flit in and out of the roadway with even less care than do their parents.

This is annoying because their principal argument for the Bedford Bike lane's removal is safety for their children, which given their pedestrian habits (pun very much intended) is complete bullshit. Their other argument is that girls on bicycles riding through their neighborhood dress in too racy a manner for their taste, and that for the preservation of their chauvanistic culture, the lascivious display of ankles and shoulders must stop, lest it give their women some crazy idea that they have a right to make decisions for themselves.

Secondly, Hasidic Jews openly dislike anyone falling into their "goiyem" category, and are socially encouraged to extort, defraud, and generally cause indirect financial hardship for anyone not like them.

For people so concerned with persecution and acceptance (nearly every jewish holiday has something to do with their ancestor's problems in Egypt, Palestine, Europe, etc...) they're really quite blind when it comes to reflecting on their own actions.

At any rate, what I found interesting in my research into these religious zealots is that within their hermetic enclave, they have divided into rivaling factions that have such animosity that they can be expected to vote against anything the other votes for. Roughly half of the Hasids in this neighborhood identify either with this guy, Zalman Teitelbaum;


Or this guy, Aaron Teitelbaum.


The particulars of these brothers' connection is complex and largely apochryphal, so i'll just leave it that Zalman, the usurper, hates the Bedford ave bike lane and so naturally, Aaron loves it. So it turns out that several members of the A. Teitelbaum sect were slated to come out to help the hipsters reinstate the bike lane, but made only a token appearance.

Since there is no clear way to make cyclists, hipsters, and Hasids happy; I wonder if something drastic could at least help move things in a positive direction.

What if there were no such things as bike lanes? I had previously tried mightily to rate and explain the pros and cons of bike lanes, though quickly came to the realisation that all bike lanes everywhere suffer from the exact same problems, no matter how they are designed or where they are implemented:

Bike-Salmon,


Double- or otherwise illegally- parked cars,


and pedestrians,


If you think about it, cordoning off a stripe of roadway is extraordinarily convenient for everyone except the cyclists it is supposed to be for. It is a secure area for salmoning where if it did not exist, the salmon might be too frightened to ride upstream. It is an out-of-the-way spot for taxis, delivery trucks, and the Police to park while conducting their business. It is a great place for pedestrians to walk while waiting to jaywalk or hail a cab.

In short, all of these problems might be at least partially solved if bike lanes simply didn't exist. People who double park might feel more self conscious about blocking a dedicated traffic lane as opposed to a bike lane since bikes apparently don't belong on the road anyway. Pedestrians might stay on the sidewalk or at least be more cautious about leading out from between parked cars to jaywalk...

Of course this would stymie our collective effort to get as many people on bikes as possible (as a "green" initiative only), as many riders inexperienced with riding in real traffic would simply opt to take the subway instead out of fear. But imagine for a moment if, due to the lack of bike lanes, thousands of people continued to ride their bicycles, though in traffic and not cowering at the roadside waiting to get sideswiped.

I think it would literally force drivers and pedestrians to once and for all take us seriously as legitimate road users. Also, motorists wouldn't be able to bitch that we're robbing them of a lane anymore, so we'd simultaneously be disarming our most vocal opponents of their most tired tirade.

Though this will never happen. Bike lanes are now the barometer of "green-ness" and if the government can't fool people into thinking it has their best interests in mind with sad little bike lanes, how will we then be fed self-satisfaction?

Sorry about the rant.... and the title-bomb... just had to get this off my chest

...the [two-week-long] madness (installment 13)

So after assuring you that I am officially back to tending the weedy garden that is this blog, I feel somewhat obligated to explain my rather lengthy hiatus from it with what few readers I may have left.

As I had mentioned some time ago, in an extraordinarily good turn of fortune for the firm I essentially embody one half of, we managed to finally secure paying work and as such all available time and efforts were directed at accomplishing our directive to a T.

Coupled with that daytime craziness, I also did two other things which are of some interest to this blog and pertain (at least loosely) to Cycling and/or New York City: First, I moved all of my worldly possessions out of my former residence and moved back to the ghetto.

Now don't get me wrong, Bed-Stuy has it's upsides; twenty-four hour liquor stores, bodegas-a-plenty, and "low rent" to name a few. However, it also sucks in many other less immediately-noticeable ways, like the consistently crummy meat selection among the pitifully few choices of supermarket.

At any rate, I'm staying around the corner from a G train stop now and have had one opportunity so far to witness the hipster (read: white people) inundation of Bed-Stuy firsthand... You see, when I first moved here some eight years ago as a naive college student, most of us knew that going north of Classon Avenue by any means other than taxi or subway was a pretty bad idea. Then two years later a few friends and I moved right to the technical border between Bed-Stuy and Clinton Hill (though real-estate agents like to consider it Fort Greene sometimes) and watched as we went from being an anomalie in that neighborhood to being the old hats that were 'cool' with the locals. Of course the barriers between race, religion, or status of brooklyn's denizens haven't disappeared, they just moved north a ways.

So I feel strangely comforted living here again, I know the 'hood and my new house rocks: pool table, laundry in the basement, backyard, dishwasher, cool peeps; you name it.

I also have a miniature bunny bernard to keep me company:


The second thing that kept me without time for the bloggin' was an architecture/design competition I entered into with some cats from the school days. The deadline hasn't yet passed, and the work doesn't belong to me solely, but if everyone is fine with it, I might do a post later this week with some of the images and a description of the system we designed. I can, however drop something I did that didn't end up getting used in our submission booklet:


A new idea for the massive shortage of physical bike-storage infrastructure in places like Copenhagen is to merely delineate an area of sidewalk or curb-space for amorphous bike parking. Our submission proposed a lit piece of 'intelligent' infrastructure that would keep watch over bikes in it's view...

Working on the project was a lot of fun and I always enjoy getting the creative juices flowing, though I have to say, working in a group has never been my thing. I'm one of those people that wants either complete control or a minimum of responsibility. Of course, that's a secret I'll never let any of my past, present, or future employers onto.

I kind of feel like one of those dogs that keep running their legs after they've been removed from the ground; my brain still operates like there isn't a moment to lose, but my hands can't find things to work on at a complementary rate.

To fill the void I've again taken up working out a complete portfolio for professional marketing (shoot me now), and cycling.

I had felt a little miffed because along with the very-seasonal weather this autumn, my schedule prevented me from putting down the miles I normally would over the weekends and in the evenings... I think my most recent weekly total was on the order of 70 miles, due largely to the fact that my new residence is a good mile and a half closer to work, shaving three miles each day and fifteen miles a week off of that total. Now that I'm a hop, skip, and a jump away from everything I give a damn about in Brooklyn, most of my trips by bike are less than a couple of miles.

Though not all is bad on the cycling front; now that I take the Williamsburg bridge on my commute in, my legs are getting beefier and beefier from climbing the south-side ramp as a shortcut toward Manhattan each day. Also, riding that particular bridge affords me the opportunity to observe hipster 'culture' "on the ground," as they say in journalistic parlance.

But hipsters are known to be skittish of other cyclists and bikes, particularly those with both good bike handling skills, multiple gear ratios, or uncoordinated 'colorways'; so I decided to disguise my road bike by outfitting it with this bad boy in the carbon materialway:


Yeeeeah, thats right; that's a HED3. on my bike. for real.


After a harrowing crash into a hasidic child last weekend, I completely cleaned and fixed the bike so it's tip-top again, and this tri-spoke looks killer on it and is the perfect addition to my ride.

I must admit that while I really wish I did, I didn't actually purchase this wheel; I'm borrowing it from a friend who seems to be delighfully unconcerned that I'm zipping around on something that costs nearly as much as the bike itself.

Maybe after a week or so of riding the HED I'll have a better idea of it's pros and cons, but after a couple hours on it so far, I can see why people drop serious cash on carbon wheels; the ride is remarkably supple and yet the steering is incredibly snappy and responsive. The only downside I have yet percieved is that the wide spoke blades catch cross breezes like theres no tomorrow and since its so damn light, a strong East River gust could put you off course if you're not careful.

I think my favourite part of riding with this wheel is that it makes cool and intimidating noises depending on the air movement around it; in a crosswind going very fast it sounds like a muffled helicopter, though still quite audible (thp-thp-thp). With a headwind the chopping noise gets a little louder until you reach a certain speed where you can literally feel the wheel begin to knife the air in two.

Literally... that's not an exaggeration, this thing cuts the air like marshmallows get mugged in Bed-Stuy -

fast-n-easy

...oh no (and other things)

I recently stumbled across this frightening news about an amendment to bicycle road-use law in England. Apparently, due to the teeming British salmon populations, the government has relented and is allowing cyclists "to ignore no-entry signs"(aka ride against traffic) in an effort to promote cycling to people who are annoyed by having to ride an extra 500 feet to safely and legally arrive at their destination.

I have to say, encouraging cycling by allowing people to salmon is as good an idea as discouraging obesity by handing out free cocaine or promoting healthy eating habits by handing out fast food coupons.

My fear of bike-salmon, combined with the fast-approaching winter months, has led me to gain a considerable interest in Goldsprints. I always liked the idea of having a game to play or sport to watch when imbibing myself with booze at the local saloon, but never jived with the typical crowds at sports bars.

Thankfully, roller races and goldsprints offer marshmallows like me an opportunity to get wasted at a bar while watching a sport I actually give a shit about.

Here's how goldsprints typically look:

Goldsprints CMWC Tokyo from kymberly Perfetto on Vimeo.

Live-er than live coverage... Roller races can also be combined into strange indoor cyclocross races like this one Rapha put on a while back:

RAPHA Cross Roller Race - Oregon Manifest 2008 from RAPHA on Vimeo.

However, considering my aversion toward obstacles while cycling (which means cyclocross would only serve to piss me off) I might lash out in pavlovian fury when "racing" someone facing this scene:


Hey all you marshmallows! get outta the way, I'm trying to ride here!

Anyway, If you bothered to read through the article I linked above, you likely noticed that mention was made of bike-salmon appeasement in other European countries, which the English misguidedly took as a "standard."

Since New York City, Manhattan especially, is rife with euro-tourists possibly cycling, I feel it to be my duty to arm you with these handy phrases from some of our guests' native tongues.

• French: manière fausse, abruti!
• German: falsche weg, du arschloch!
• Spanish: ¡manera incorrecta, Baboso!
• Portugese: ¡caminho errado, imbecil!
• British: Kind sir, do try to mind the local traffic regulations; It would greatly please meh.
  

...the weekend madness (installment 11)

I'm not going to lie; aside from a swingin' good time at a friend's birthday party and ten token laps around Prospect Park, I really didn't do any good cycling this weekend...

Bike racers call all time on the bike not in a race or race-pace setting "junk miles". This apparently includes commuting, pleasure riding, running errands, etc... That in mind, I'm bummed to learn that about 70% of the miles I clock every week are "junk."

Of course, I take issue with the idea that any time spent on a bicycle could be junk - and by extension, worthless - especially when I'm enjoying a nice ride through previously unknown locales. That's why news like this makes my heart split in two:

Photo: Tom Reel, San Antonio Express News.

This is Kylie Bruehler, 7, at a memorial service for her parents. One day recently, they went out for a nice ride together on their tandem bike in Bexar Co. when they were struck from behind by a pickup truck and killed. The mother, Alexandra, died at the scene; and her husband, Gregory, died an hour after being airlifted to a hospital.

Ehh, I'm already getting a little choked up here.... read the "news story" about it here.

If you didn't bother to click that link you were about to miss the best part, but no worries, I'll relate it to you now:

Investigators say there are no charges on the driver. They believe this was an accident and that somehow the driver lost control of his truck.

One more time for impact "NO CHARGES ON THE DRIVER"

That's just salt on the emotional wounds this poor girl will carry for the rest of her life... Add insult to injury and this is what you get.

I'm not entirely sure how someone can either intentionally or unintentionally run down two people, drag them for over 200 feet, killing them, and get off totally free. 100 fucking percent blameless right? Maybe it's a Texas thing, though I'm not certain 'cause I'm from texas and I remember it to be a place fairly crawling with police, itching to issue citations for the most minor of infractions.

Maybe when it comes to something big or important they're left dumbstruck about what to do since they're too busy eating fucking donuts under overpasses waiting for someone to do 56 in a 55 on "their highway".

But of course, when the law abiding citizenry tries to curtail needlesss motorist/cyclist altercations by proposing a "safe passing distance law", and it passes both the house and senate with flying colors, you get dickheads like Rick Perry that'll just veto it because it's "unnecessary."

Score one for rednecks, now you can actually go all the way in running me off the road and not have to stop at screaming "faggot!" as you drive by... Don't worry, It'll be my fault that I was on the road you and only you pay taxes for, right?

Ignorance makes the bile flow upstream, like a salmon...

... the parable of the bicycle

I was reading the blogs this morning and came across a tidbit of public design news that piqued my interest. Apparently Kent Ave is, as of yesterday, beginning a conversion into a northbound-only street for car and truck traffic. the bike lanes on either side of the current, two-way road will be combined into the rarely seen two-way bike lane.


I'm no sociologist or city planner, though I must express my apprehension about this move by the city. Though the multi-directionality will be preserved for bicycles, forcing southbound car and truck traffic through the middle of Hasidim will only serve to further strain the tenuous relationship between Williamsburg's landlords and their hipster tenants.

Wythe and Bedford Avenues are vital thoroughfares from Williamsburg through to Pratt (a known hipster breeding ground), and compose a significant portion of "The Great Hipster Silk Route." And though Hasids have raised a (metaphorical) stink about the immodest behavior of hipsters as they pass through their archaic enclave, they will likely find that a few bicycles is nothing compared to the rumbling delivery trucks and reggaeton-blasting Puerto Rico-mobiles that will be diverted into their lives.

On the topic of being resented for the pitfalls of society, I've officially become a jaded cyclist.

I commute to work in Manhattan from Brooklyn every single day I am able, as you no doubt have noted given the abundance of BLRI posts and road-use rants on this blog. In the eight months that I have unshackled myself from the MTA, my reactions to unfortunate traffic situations have morphed from a burning, holier-than-thou rage to passive irritation, and ultimately into the cold, stony ire of inward disdain that I am now only capable of emoting.

Whether I publicly acknowledged it or not, I've mentally flip flopped on a lot of issues in that time; Salmoning, bike lane abuse, and pedestrian oblivity top the list. I am torn between my desire to admonish idiots and intellectual modesty. I have tried numerous times to follow legal and socially acceptable routes of retribution to little or no avail; and conversely, I've also often done the exact opposite to similar effect.

Thankfully there are articles like this one, wherein commentors tragically berate one another with sweeping accusations and generalizations. I am reminded, while reading the shortsighted irritance, that life, like a bicycle, is composed of lots of different parts that serve a variety of useful functions.

While many people would like to think that they are the bottom brackets of the world (around which all power is revolved and within which it is stabalized), the truth is that most people are just cogs on the rear wheel of life; easily replaceable and fairly cheap.

Then there are those who (however necessary it may be) hinder progress by squeezing those who carry the weight of the machine; the brakes to wheels, if you will.

Still, there are the dork disks and spoke-reflectors of society that enjoy a federally mandated existence regardless of their pointlessness and ineffectiveness.

Lastly (that I can draw an allusion to right now, anyway) is the saddle, the ass sweat-soaked ivory tower upon which the bloated rump of reality sits. These are the rare idealists and thinkers who know no better existence than altruistic pursuits of widespread peace and comfort. Their job is a thankless one, and resenting that fact, are known to imitate the petty tomfooleries of other ignored parts, though to much more dramatic ends: (warning: NSFW)

...the weekend sanity (installment 7)

I really didn't do much of anything this weekend. My boss doesn't feel it's necessary to pay me on time anymore and the moohare was up in Boston, so I was at a loss for what to do with my scarce funds and ample free-time.

I joined a (different) few friends who were biking up to go camping on Bear Mountain on Saturday morning and accompanied them as far as Nyack, not wanting to get back to Brooklyn too late. I have to say one of the weirdest feelings I've felt recently was when I rode back through Manhattan on that Saturday night after having biked over a hundred miles to Bear Mountain and back. I've never felt so out of place as I did looking haggard and dripping sweat at traffic lights in the village, as perfumed young socialites and wannabe players strutted by.

The ride through New Jersey was the same as it always is, so I opted to forgo bringing the camera since it would just be a reiteration of previous posts. However, Instead of taking the Williamsburg bridge, as I had on past trips, we used the Manhattan Bridge and cut across Soho to the WSH. We rode from Bed-Stuy along Flushing toward Dumbo, passing the impound lot and turning onto Sands st.

The last time I rode on any of these streets, they were either in complete disrepair or under construction (which is frequently worse for cyclists than simply dealing with the crappy roads). For that reason, I usually commute from Prospect Heights, where I live, through downtown Brooklyn to access the bridges. That route has become a force-of-habit and my commute is getting to be a little stale; so to shake things up a bit, I took a fairly different route this morning in order to present this double-edition BLRI!!!!

As I do most every day, I rode Vanderbilt Avenue northbound after turning off of my picturesque, brownstone-lined slice of Brooklyn. I usually opt to use this avenue at the outset of most of my trips by bicycle because it boasts both well-maintained bike lanes and conscientious pedestrians. It should be noted, however, that the amicability of the locals and light traffic seem to breed salmon (especially of the sidewalk variety).

Despite the infestation of idiots, Vanderbilt is a great street to ride, especially given the new Brooklyn Bike and Board shop between Bergen and Dean which enjoys a steady flow of business from weekend warriors, displaced hipsters, and commuters alike (and which was the subject of a recent LBSR).


Continuing across Atlantic Avenue, the bike lane sadly disappears and one must forcefully seize a lane from the clutches of vile Livery cars. The road quality is dramatically lower than before despite passing through what is in my opinion, one of Brooklyn's most beautiful neighborhoods, Fort Greene.


While I'm no fan of Neo-Gothic 'Architecture,' I've always enjoyed having silly buildings (like this private school) in and around my neighborhood, if for no better reason than to have something to joke about. It's useful in the way those kitschy Urban Outfitters trinkets are; a springboard for sematic debates about the rediculousness of consumerism and the wayward souls who are comforted by it.

Continuing past the BQE toward the Brooklyn Navy Yard, I was surprised to see a motorcycle shop x vespa dealership collabo (I'll be damned, they're growing in popularity):


It is my opinion that while scooters are a more reasonable choice of transport in congested cities than cars are; their continued use of gasoline and the haughty sense of self-righteousness they foster in their owners are just plain bad for society. (OK, I started to go off on a tangent about how much scooter-ers bug me, so I'm gonna reserve that for a later post).

After passing the police impound lot on Navy St, I turned onto Sands St. which has been wonderfully re-designed as the most bicycle conscious street NYC has presented me with! For that reason, this street will hold top-slot as the only A+ I will ever issue (unless if course this becomes the norm and then there's just no point in continuing the BLRI except to bitch).


I can't believe we actually have this kind of bike lane in Brooklyn! These are without a doubt the best kind (I bet Arup designed it)! As far as I know (and I bike a lot) this is the first of it's kind in NYC, as it is a noticeably brand-spankin'-new iteration of what has been done for years in places like Copenhagen.

Sands St., though a measly two blocks in length, has been transformed into what is arguably the best solution for cyclist - motorist altercations. Notice how the bike lanes are separated by a median and are located at the center of the road instead of in the door-swing range of parked cars. Also note (if you can) that the bike lanes, median, and stripey area are elevated about 6 inches above the car's lane. This is exactly what needs to be done with all streets to quell the incessant bickering between cabbies (who of course need to drop off and pick up passengers somewhere) and the cyclists they routinely cut off.

Unfortunately, most streets here are one way (despite what one would gather from the bourgoning salmon population) and despite its simplicity, this method of bike-lane separation may not work everywhere.

Continuing over the bridge and up through the city along my usual route, I decided that in the day's spirit of new routes, I'd try to ride up Park Ave instead of turning on 13th and taking 6th Ave as I normally would. I had tried this the very first day I commuted to work by bike and didn't have the grapes to try it again, though I was much less experienced with cycling in Manhattan at that point.

Now that I'm a bona-fide city cyclist, Park Avenue seemed like a walk in the park compared to 6th Ave (which you'll remember was recently awarded the BLRI rating of F), despite not having any bicycle designations or markings.

I think as long as you're comfortable riding between cars at around 20 mph Park Ave is definitely safer than using the 'bike lane' on 6th or the dumb separated paths on 8th or 10th. Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed that there are virtually no good bike-paths to take you downtown?

Until next time friends, mind the traffic.

...keepin it real Thursdays

As we all know by now (I hope), motorists in general have a distinct distaste for cyclists. In places like New York City, the reasons for this are more apparent than in other places. Cyclists make the inefficiencies of cars glaringly obvious to motorists, for instance, as they're stuck in a gridlock that bicycles can slip through like water through a sieve. Fortunately, in this city, if your rights as a cyclist are ever infringed upon, rest assured that there are certain cyclists around you that will exact swift retribution upon the offending car. It's a safety in numbers thing I suppose...

Other places around the country, the number and density of cyclists is much lower, making us vastly outnumbered by cars and trucks on many roadways; yet still, many drivers think it's amusing to taunt cyclists or intentionally press them into guardrails or off the shoulder. They view bicycles as an impediment to the free flow of traffic, since driving safely with a cyclist requires slightly more attention, which I've heard is in short supply these days.

By now, this is old news, but I'll repost it here for posterity. Earlier this week, in Asheville NC, a long-time firefighter for some reason became irate that a man, his wife, and their child were cycling on what the firefighter deemed to be an unsafe street for bikes. Apparently he stopped and started an argument with the father before pulling out a handgun and shooting him in the head! Luckily the bullet passed through his helmet and didn't touch his skull. This is the maniacal firefighter who it seems can't contain his hatred for "bad parenting". Please remember the time-honored tradition of throwing rotten fruits and vegetables at him if you ever have the opportunity.


(a little advice, don't read the comments on that article; they will only serve to aggrivate you in a way only backward thinking car-obsessed people can)

As always, while it seems things are going down the tubes for cyclists elsewhere, in NYC, cyclists rights are on the up-and-up! I've long been a fierce defendant of the bike lanes' boundaries and frequently take it upon myself to make drivers aware of their infringements, often at great risk to my own safety. Though as Gothamist has noted recently, the police are actually ticketing people for blocking bike lanes with their cars (and other things too, I hope)!!!! Personally, I feel rather vindicated by this news, and to be sure, I'll definitely point out offending motorists to any officers I pass (not that the officers themselves give a flying fuck about cyclists).


Other recent victories for cyclists here include the passing of a recent bill that allows bicycles into all buildings in NYC that boast freight elevators, in an effort to promote commuting by bicycle. Much to the chagrin of noted cycling crumudgeon, Mikael (of Copenhagenize and Copenhagen Cycle Chic fame), New York is slowly becoming one of the more bike-friendly megalopoli in this country. While I'm not sure if this bill will really encourage "tens of thousands of commuters to get on two wheels," as TA executive Director Paul Steely White claims; it sure is a step in the right direction.

Maybe one day my dream of a car-free manhattan will come true. Once we get off of this addiction to laziness and preoccupation with safety, I guarantee we will see a fitter, happier, and more prosperous US of A.

Perhaps transportation alternatives could start an automobile smear-campaign with images like these that the aforementioned Mikael designed (I believe they are his brainchild, anyway) to resemble the garish, large, and intentionally obtrusive warning labels found on packs of cigarettes.


I'm really enamored by the idea that perhaps in our warning-label-obsessed society, we can find room for one more, placed squarely on top of dashboards or as permanent, federally mandated bumper stickers, to deride drivers the same way we do smokers. Heck, maybe we could design some warning against the dangers of fatties too!

...on sprinting

After lazily pedaling to work this morning, I fired up the 'ol computer and went to get coffee while the processor warmed up (yeah, it's that crappy of a machine... think of it as the Pinto of personal computing [sorry, I linked the wrong pinto]). Tuning in to watch stage 19 stream online, I was surprised that I nearly missed the action. Lately the stages have been ending around 11:30 - 11:45 am, so I thought I had a while to wait before things started to get interesting.

Not today.

Once the video started flowing, I saw the sprinters getting paced to the front of the field for a showdown to the line, and knew I had missed the drama of todays stage. Fortunately for me, I apparently caught the only interesting or game-changing event of the stage: Mark Cavendish's 5th win!


And of course the podium shot comes next:


Since Contador, Schleck and Armstrong are saving their legs for the climb up Mt. Ventoux tomorrow, none of them (or anyone else in GC contention) did much rank shuffling, leaving the finish to be contested by the sprinters.

While Cavendish took the win today, Thor Hushovd is still in the green jersey and could hang onto it until Paris on Sunday, though he'll have to work hard to keep the man-missle ('dish is from the storied Isle of Man, in addition to being rather missle-like, hence the nickname) away. Considering the ride into Avenue des Champs-Élysées is long, straight, and flat; we could see the 'dish snag the green at the last possible moment.

Sprinting like your life depends seems rather like the 6th ave leg of my morning commute, so that in mind, I present the next installment of the BLRI (whopee!).

After cutting cross-town on 13th street every morning, I turn north onto sixth avenue to head up to Herald sq. to get a coffee from my favorite coffee cart. This stretch of my commute represents the absolute epitome of scary city cycling. If you're not quick on your toes and light on the pedals, the chances you will ever ride this avenue again are slim to none. While many commuters use the bike lane on 6th, I refuse to; it is not only littered with road debris, but is also routinely used as the left-turn lane for taxis who are oblivious to the numerous cyclists they seem to enjoy cutting off.

For that reason, I usually take the leftmost lane for myself so that I can slide to the right of turning cabs should they decide to get in my way. Sometimes this results in me getting stuck between lanes and I have to keep pace with traffic that is simultaneously agressive and fast-moving.

There are also many construction sites along 6th, where the sidewalk is diverted under the incomplete building, causing many people to assume that the bike lane is their new sidewalk, regardless of how dangerous it may be to stroll against traffic that is moving at 30+ mph.


Though there is a silver lining to this mayhem; when you finally manage to blow past a wave of cars, you are rewarded for your masterful sprinting with a wide avenue all to yourself:


This is my paradise. Clear sailing from here on out. Though that doesn't save 6th Avenue from the wrath of the BLRI:


Now it is important that we recognize the purpose of a BLRI rating of 'F'. As it is the Bike Lane Rideability Index, what is being judged here is 6th avenue's pitiful example of sharing the road. The bike lane on 6th might as well not even exist since nobody cares to respect it's demarcations or users. Bits and pieces of broken cars populate EVERY intersection here and flat many an unsuspecting tire. Salmon are unfortunately rather common here, especially between 23rd St. and 30th St.

Earlier this week, as a matter of fact, I was riding along this route (in the evening for a change) and saw a salmon get his back wheel tacoed by a left-turning cab. Usually I will stop and offer assistance to downed cyclists, but in my mind, Salmon are no cyclists at all... They are self-serving idiots who deserve to be hit.

I rode on as the salmon filed a 311 report. He gave me this "won't you please stop to be a witness?" look, but was met with only my stony silence and penetrating glare reserved only for offending bike salmon. Poor cabbie, he even had his blinker on.

Though never fear, despite it's plethora of drawbacks, 6th avenue is a pretty efficient way to get to midtown fast, it definitley gets you in shape trying to out-gun cars and trucks bearing down on you from behind. Plus, being last isn't all bad; as occasionally-worth-reading blog Cycling Tips has noted, the one who comes in last often worked the hardest. Well, thats true in the tour at least.

Ride safe this weekend, and look forward to photos (I swear the camera is coming along this time) from a sure-to-be-epic grind up to Bear Mountain.

...double doody!

I felt bad about not posting anything yesterday, so for your reading pleasure, I present today's (rarely seen) second post!

I have to say, blogging isn't as easy as it may seem. Writing these posts taxes the limits of my wit and vocabulary; all in an effort to bring you the craftiest diatribes while simultaneously looking busy at 'work'. Like a rider of the pro-peloton, I have to be 'on', or 'in form' to opine both cynically and humorously. Yesterday's crummy weather helped to convince me that I ought to take it as a day off the bike to let my legs rest up. Unfortunately, that always results in me feeling lazy and useless, destroying any ambition I might have had for the day.

Monday, however I did ride in and enjoyed it very much! I have been noticing construction equipment accumulating at the base of the Manhattan Bridge for some time now and have been curious what the fuss is all about. That morning they were moving around plastic jersey barriers which have recently replaced the fencing that forced bridge users to use this strange switchback thing off Forsyth St. instead of riding directly onto the bridge.


I inquired about the planned construction from this fellow (who was none-too pleased that I was snapping photos of him), and he confirmed that indeed the DOT has heard the lamentations of cyclists! No longer will we be forced to strangle our brake-levers coming off the bridge! No longer will we have to negotiate four tight turns and an two traffic lights!

This may also help alleviate cyclist/chinatown tension which, as we can see from this video, is boiling over in places nearby (for the record, that video counts toward tomorrow's KIRT post in the event I can't find anything more shocking, haha).

On Gothamist there is a blurb about a City Room article regarding cycling-under-the-influence and the legality of doing so. It seems as though a group has organized a 'Bike to the Bars' event to be held in concert with Bloomberg's landmark dedication of July as 'Good Beer Month'! They will ride to 10 bars and presumably become drunk on good beer throughout the ride.


Though one should be careful when sporting and ingesting controlled substances, as we learned from noted lush and skiing enthusiast Tom Boonen recently. While not technically illegal in the US, biking under the influence (BUI), I can say from experience, is not a smart thing to do. My previous stance on booze x cycling collabo's was one of indifference, assuming that like salmon, drunk cyclists were a self-thinning population.

That was, of course, until I rode home one night in a cycling x weed x beer collabo and nearly died running a red light on Flatbush ave around midnight. Yeah, it made quite a scene and the driver rightly admonished my poor life-choices. Interestingly, the police cruiser stopped behind me at the light did absolutely nothing about it, I assume because the situation had diffused itself and my ears were already red with embarrassment without their help.

I can assure you I have, from then on, closely monitored my inebriation when a bike has been my ticket home.

Another thing to shy away from is blood doping. While I don't think transcendent experiences are the norm for blood dopers, it sure must be trippy narrowly losing the Giro d'Italia and then possibly being stripped of second-place 'glory'. That's right, you gathered correctly... Danilo Diluca, the man who wore the pink jersey throughout the beginning of the Giro this year, tested positive for EPO, namely: CERA (whatever that is).

Of course, he's vehemently denying these positives. I would too. I think the only thing more damaging to a sporting career than getting caught elevating your rate of oxygen uptake, is having to admit to having Cera in your heart. Though good thing I'm not pro because to tell you the truth, Cera's in my heart too. I loved his befuddlement when Juno told him she was preggers, not to mention his moving portrayal of a love-lorn high schooler in Superbad... man that movie was neat-o!

...420 miles to nowhere

Today is the first official "rest day" at the Tour de France (not to be confused with an unofficial rest day) Of course, not one to plan/think ahead, I raced to the computer at 8:30 am this morning to catch the beginning of stage nine, only to be confronted with lots of in-depth analysis and colorful descriptions of that stage which is to be raced tomorrow.


Since the riders of the tour are on break, I'm taking one too. Actually that's a lie; today I've been working on cool new post ideas that'll drop sometime tomorrow.... around lunchtime, I hope.

With that, I leave you with this article about the culmination of the DOT's construction of 200+ miles of new bike lanes in the city. Strangely, (as you'll soon find out) the new miles of bike lanes bring NYC's "street bike lanes" total to a laughable 420 miles. On second thought, perhaps this, like the conspiracy of weather reporting, belies ulterior motives.

...BLRI - the chinatown edition

Riding into work today, I was happy to find that it (as it has been the past few days) was a very comfortable temperature for cycling. Feeling sprightly and refreshed from my 'rest day' yesterday, I zipped quickly over the bridge, leaving in my wake many emasculated fixters.

Well, I suppose they don't really care how fast they're going anyway, as you can see from this track bike's handlebar statement. I think what is meant by this is instead "fuck multiple gear ratios and the ability to shift."

Then again perhaps I'm wrong and this person literally objects to any toothed cogs without exception... Since there's no side view of the bike, it is impossible to tell; but I hope it belongs to one of fixed-gear-riding's lesser-known fringe groups: the un-fixed riders.

Known to be vehemently against any sort of gain ratio or mechanical advantage whatsoever, the un-fixed riders will shuffle along, finally making use of their day-glo top-tube pads, while the pedals dangle arbitrarily at the side. Undoubtedly, only the most 'hard-core' of the fixter scene would be admitted to the chain-free ranks of un-fixedness.

I really hope this trend, like the pista trend, catches on. Then they can start offering free chain-removal 'upgrades' at urban outfitters, the number one inspirational source for subcultural poseurs and aspiring beatnicks alike.

(I really encourage you to follow the above link and take note that UO has attempted to re-brand itself as a bike shop; meaning they sell bar grips and knog lights in all sorts of different 'colorways'.)

Having dropped the fixies like a bunch of Fabian Cancellaras on stage seven of the tour this morning, I decided to document one of my most travelled streets in the city. Directly after a few ironic switchbacks coming off the Manhattan bridge, most everyone who isn't heading downtown rides north on chrystie st to Delancey or Houston (or beyond, but more on that in a moment). Being a bi-directional street, it has major differences between the south-bound and north-bound sides.

Riding north in the mornings along the bike lane on Chrystie is pleasant only after you pass Grand st. which is apparently the bermuda triangle for asian minivan pilots and delivery trucks (seriously, nobody at that intersection knows which way they want to go). Beyond there it is OK as long as you avoid wayward delivery salmon and, well, the bike lane.


Due to abundant debris consisting of shattered glass, twigs, trash, and rocks, the bike-lane is actually three or so feet to the left of where it has been designated on the pavement (as highlighted by the BADA55 lines). Motorists usually give you space on this side, and lacking a sidewwalk, is relatively ped-free. With the power vested in me by myself, I hereby confer upon this stretch of Chrystie St. the Bike-Lane-Rideability-Index (BLRI) grade of:


Not too bad all things considered... As I've said before and of which you may already be aware, it is a two way street and as such, warrants multiple analyses.

The SB side is almost the antithesis of the NB side; alike in kind though opposite in every positive and negative way. Where the NB side touts added width the SB side shrinks to near useless levels; where the NB side is sidewalk and parallel parking free for much of its course, on the SB side, there is no relief from jaywalking pedestrians or the door-swing-zone. Most notable are the 'rollers' along the SB bike lane; small but gentle rises and dips in the poorly laid blacktop test your bike's construction as well as your grip (not too tight, not too loose).

Though you risk being cut off by besuited station-wagoners, the SB side is the primary lead up to the Manhattan bridge and benefits from this monopoly as most people are fairly aware that during rush hour, zillions of cyclists pass through here.


Interestingly, chrystie street morphs from a two way street into south-bound-only 2nd Ave. It is at this point I have been lucky enough to witness a 'fork in the road,' so to speak, where cyclists choose either to find a legal and safe route north, or they gloriously transform into bike-salmon, fighting upstream to reach what I imagine are the UES spawning grounds. The small UES frys have been known to learn the salmoning art from their parents in the eddies of the Central Park loop before venturing down to Brooklyn when their fathers freeze the trust-fund (to teach them 'responsibility') before awarding them full partnerships in their law firms.


That's all for today, friends... ride smooth and avoid bearly cheating death by riding the correct direction.

...the weekend madness (installment 4)

I flew back to Houston for the weekend not to celebrate July 4th in typical Texas style, but to attend my parent's 25th wedding anniversary celebrations at the Sweetwater Country Club complete with a five course sit-down dinner, and upper-lip-biting/fist-clenched dancing only white people can pull off.


I have to say, my folks put together quite a soiree that evening, and despite the cheesy, bourgeois decor it was definitely a night to be remembered. (This is not to say I could've done any better, If it was possible and left up to me, all social gatherings would take place at ominously emotive sites.) I think my favorite part of the party was the kransekage, or horn of plenty, filled with chocolate covered strawberries.


Of course, I didn't forget that Saturday was the start of the Tour de France, though much to my chagrin, Tennis rules the tube at my father's house during the summer. Saturday morning, we sat around watching the men's singles final at Wimbledon. After a gripping exchange of fuzzy balls, Andy Roddick, another extraordinary Austinite, narrowly lost the match to Roger Federer, the swiss tennis master. I felt really bad for Andy because he really played his heart out and just couldn't beat Federer, who in winning, claimed his 15th grand slam title; more than any other tennis player ever.

Lance was also bummed that his countryman was bested by Federer, though rode strongly on both Saturday and Sunday, and currently is within the top 10 at the Tour... Bored of the post-match commentary, I decided to take my father's Bianchi Volpe out for a spin on the wide and luxurious Braes Bayou bike path.


Braving the 100+ degree heat, I rode next to this above-ground-sewer into the medical center and then up through downtown and then back on city streets. Pouring sweat, I realized two important things:

1. Its dumb to go outside for longer than 10 minutes in Houston without mass amounts of water.

2. Cycling caps aren't strictly a fashion statement, they keep stinging, salty sweat from dripping into your eyes, blinding you.

However, despite the sweltering humidity and sun, I've always held this bike path as an ideal of sorts. It is bumpy in spots and certainly could be maintained better, though being separated from cars by 50'-100' of verdant esplanade is a frustrated city-cyclist's dream. The bike lane even forks at cross-streets so you can choose if you want to go under the bridge, closer to the bayou, or up to the intersection, breaking up the monotonous Houston flatness while being a commuter's dream.

This in mind, I've decided someone needs to work toward a rating system for bike lanes so that one can know what to expect from given stretches of roadway around the 5boros. Since I don't have the manpower of Google, and find Map My Ride and Bikely useful though not informative enough, I'm going to assign a grade to city roads I ride for the benefit of my readers as I ride them. I had meant to start this earlier but I didn't have a benchmark for the extremes of the grade scale.

Well, using Braes Bayou as a jump off point makes this somewhat easier. So to officially start the Just-Say-Yes-NYC Bike-Lane-Rideability-Index (BLRI), I present the first (rarely seen) grade of A to braes bayou:


Cartainly this isn't a noteworthy grade without something to compare it to... lets take Broadway's new separated bike lane between 26th and 33rd sts:


While I praise the efforts of Janette Sadik-Khan, Broadway falls well below par, even for this city. Rife with pedestrians, salmon of all varieties, left-turning cars, and cabs who don't understand they've been provided a "pickup lane", Broadway here is one of the least efficient routes south. I regularly avoid it altogether and take 5th Ave south and hook up with broadway where this hackeneyed organizational scheme ends. Giving it a D- also lets me reserve some impact for when I decide drop an F on some yet-to be-seen route or lack thereof.

Be on the lookout for more crumudgeonly ratings in the future, and as always, ride safe today.

...keepin it real Thursdays

This morning I decided I would try a new route for my commute. Instead of traveling east, through downtown Brooklyn to get on the Manhattan bridge, I opted to ride north (from my recently-named historical neighborhood!) and use the Williamsburg bridge instead. This new route was, for me, an attempt to get a change of scenery on the daily slog to the office, and as such, one should not construe that I was trying to pursue either a time or safety benefit...

I turned onto Bedford Ave. and rode north on its ample bike lane which I must say, was far more pleasant than I expected, though I certainly did encounter my fair share of double parked cops, delivery drivers and salmoning crackheads. With the exception of a cumbersome crossover at the intersection of Rogers + Bedford Aves, and Dean st, Bedford is actually a pretty nice street to bike down. Even the salmon don't bother you as much since the bike lane is so friggin' wide; and since Bedford isn't that commercialized, you don't get so many delivery trucks using that ample space to unload large and unwieldy things.


Of course, any Brooklynite will tell you, Bedford Ave is a long-ass street, and as such, varies greatly from hood to hood. So Just to be clear, I'm referring only to Bedford between Eastern Parkway and the BQE, because north of there it becomes an entanglement of fixed-gear willyburgers, jaywalking hasids, and turn-signal-oblivious livery drivers.

Seeing as I rarely ride into the city on the Williamsburg Bridge, I took the opportunity to document my surroundings before heading into the city. Interestingly, the ride over the bridges is different depending on which direction you're going (for instance, taking the MB into manhattan is a much easier climb and faster descent than going the opposite way).


Also, this afforded me the opportunity to better familiarize myself with the area around the MUP on-ramp. I was riding the other direction a few weeks ago and saw this little ghost bike chained to a parking sign and assumed the worst...


Naturally, I guessed the ghost bike was for a little boy or girl since the bike is so small and in what looks like reasonably good shape, aside from being spray-painted white. Determined to use this sad story as the subject of a KIRT post, I went over and took a better photo of it and read the dedication that was paint-markered in blue on the chainguard:


As I've underlined (in hexidecimal: BADA55) the victim was apparently "26 years young." While I'm still bummed out that this ghost bike has to be here, I feel duped by those who erected the memorial. You can't use a 6-year-old's bike if you're 26, unless of course you happen to be a bear in the circus. Even that is a stretch because the incedence of cycling-bear fatalaties is relatively low these days, especially those due to motorist carelessness.

In hopes to lower the rate of car-cyclist-pedestrian altercations, the city has been closing down certain squares and parts of the avenues to automobile traffic. First Times Sq. and Herald Sq. were closed to north/south traffic, and now broadway is getting new "Protected Bike lanes" from Herald Sq. to 25th st. or so that reduce broadway down to one southbound lane. I happen to work right along that stretch of Broadway, and have been monitoring the progress of the bike lane for some time now. The most recent improvement were signs stating that cars are prohibited from parking or driving in the bike lane. Of course, this is just another sign for motorists to ignore:


The funny thing is, this car must have had to pull over into the hatched area, and then backed up to be halfway into the bike lane like that. I snapped this picture as the owner of the offending Honda came out of a store and shot me a disapproving look. Oh well, commuters in this city are no stranger to vindictive motorists in the bike lane...


At least the bike lane has big friendly arrows painted on the ground to remind bike-salmon of their misdeeds and give creedance to my pleas for uni-directional cycling. In fact, one time, as i had just mounted my bike to ride home for the day, I encountered a woman erratically salmoning up broadway and as she passed me, front wheel flapping this way and that, I gently told her that "bike lanes are one way, just like the streets are for cars." Once she processed what I had said she called back to me "No they're not!" Well, salmoners, take this (from NYC traffic law):

'Bicyclists cannot ride against the flow of traffic. Ride with traffic to avoid accidents' NYCDOT Section4-12 article p.4.v