...the weekend sanity (installment 7)

I really didn't do much of anything this weekend. My boss doesn't feel it's necessary to pay me on time anymore and the moohare was up in Boston, so I was at a loss for what to do with my scarce funds and ample free-time.

I joined a (different) few friends who were biking up to go camping on Bear Mountain on Saturday morning and accompanied them as far as Nyack, not wanting to get back to Brooklyn too late. I have to say one of the weirdest feelings I've felt recently was when I rode back through Manhattan on that Saturday night after having biked over a hundred miles to Bear Mountain and back. I've never felt so out of place as I did looking haggard and dripping sweat at traffic lights in the village, as perfumed young socialites and wannabe players strutted by.

The ride through New Jersey was the same as it always is, so I opted to forgo bringing the camera since it would just be a reiteration of previous posts. However, Instead of taking the Williamsburg bridge, as I had on past trips, we used the Manhattan Bridge and cut across Soho to the WSH. We rode from Bed-Stuy along Flushing toward Dumbo, passing the impound lot and turning onto Sands st.

The last time I rode on any of these streets, they were either in complete disrepair or under construction (which is frequently worse for cyclists than simply dealing with the crappy roads). For that reason, I usually commute from Prospect Heights, where I live, through downtown Brooklyn to access the bridges. That route has become a force-of-habit and my commute is getting to be a little stale; so to shake things up a bit, I took a fairly different route this morning in order to present this double-edition BLRI!!!!

As I do most every day, I rode Vanderbilt Avenue northbound after turning off of my picturesque, brownstone-lined slice of Brooklyn. I usually opt to use this avenue at the outset of most of my trips by bicycle because it boasts both well-maintained bike lanes and conscientious pedestrians. It should be noted, however, that the amicability of the locals and light traffic seem to breed salmon (especially of the sidewalk variety).

Despite the infestation of idiots, Vanderbilt is a great street to ride, especially given the new Brooklyn Bike and Board shop between Bergen and Dean which enjoys a steady flow of business from weekend warriors, displaced hipsters, and commuters alike (and which was the subject of a recent LBSR).


Continuing across Atlantic Avenue, the bike lane sadly disappears and one must forcefully seize a lane from the clutches of vile Livery cars. The road quality is dramatically lower than before despite passing through what is in my opinion, one of Brooklyn's most beautiful neighborhoods, Fort Greene.


While I'm no fan of Neo-Gothic 'Architecture,' I've always enjoyed having silly buildings (like this private school) in and around my neighborhood, if for no better reason than to have something to joke about. It's useful in the way those kitschy Urban Outfitters trinkets are; a springboard for sematic debates about the rediculousness of consumerism and the wayward souls who are comforted by it.

Continuing past the BQE toward the Brooklyn Navy Yard, I was surprised to see a motorcycle shop x vespa dealership collabo (I'll be damned, they're growing in popularity):


It is my opinion that while scooters are a more reasonable choice of transport in congested cities than cars are; their continued use of gasoline and the haughty sense of self-righteousness they foster in their owners are just plain bad for society. (OK, I started to go off on a tangent about how much scooter-ers bug me, so I'm gonna reserve that for a later post).

After passing the police impound lot on Navy St, I turned onto Sands St. which has been wonderfully re-designed as the most bicycle conscious street NYC has presented me with! For that reason, this street will hold top-slot as the only A+ I will ever issue (unless if course this becomes the norm and then there's just no point in continuing the BLRI except to bitch).


I can't believe we actually have this kind of bike lane in Brooklyn! These are without a doubt the best kind (I bet Arup designed it)! As far as I know (and I bike a lot) this is the first of it's kind in NYC, as it is a noticeably brand-spankin'-new iteration of what has been done for years in places like Copenhagen.

Sands St., though a measly two blocks in length, has been transformed into what is arguably the best solution for cyclist - motorist altercations. Notice how the bike lanes are separated by a median and are located at the center of the road instead of in the door-swing range of parked cars. Also note (if you can) that the bike lanes, median, and stripey area are elevated about 6 inches above the car's lane. This is exactly what needs to be done with all streets to quell the incessant bickering between cabbies (who of course need to drop off and pick up passengers somewhere) and the cyclists they routinely cut off.

Unfortunately, most streets here are one way (despite what one would gather from the bourgoning salmon population) and despite its simplicity, this method of bike-lane separation may not work everywhere.

Continuing over the bridge and up through the city along my usual route, I decided that in the day's spirit of new routes, I'd try to ride up Park Ave instead of turning on 13th and taking 6th Ave as I normally would. I had tried this the very first day I commuted to work by bike and didn't have the grapes to try it again, though I was much less experienced with cycling in Manhattan at that point.

Now that I'm a bona-fide city cyclist, Park Avenue seemed like a walk in the park compared to 6th Ave (which you'll remember was recently awarded the BLRI rating of F), despite not having any bicycle designations or markings.

I think as long as you're comfortable riding between cars at around 20 mph Park Ave is definitely safer than using the 'bike lane' on 6th or the dumb separated paths on 8th or 10th. Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed that there are virtually no good bike-paths to take you downtown?

Until next time friends, mind the traffic.

...LBSR and new toys!

This past Sunday a few friends and I took a delightful little jaunt down to Coney Island. Except for one flat, it was a nice, uneventful ride with an easy pace that ended with hot dogs at Nathan's (for in-depth coverage of our gastronomical excursions, be sure to hit up that moohare). As I mentioned yesterday, several of the people we rode with had just bought bicycles that day, though one person rented a bike from a nearby bike shop that I had no idea existed.

We understandably had a tough time getting it back to the shop before their closing time of 6:30pm, so I opted to just return it in the morning since I learned it was along my usual route to work. Walking the two bikes, one in each hand, I decided to snap a quick photo of the rented bike for posterity:


As you can tell from the relaxed position of the bike, and the lazy dandelions I included in the 'composition', it is built for comfort, not speed. This is by no means an attack on comfort bikes or those who ride/rent/sell them, its just not my style. I prefer to stay light and quick as such are the demands of city riding.

What struck me about this bike the most was its weight. I don't know exactly how much my bike weighs, but I think its somewhere just under the 20lb mark. This bike seemed to be two, if not three times heavier. Seriously, I have to hand it to the girl for riding this 20 miles on Sunday, she's a champ.

I got there and handed over the behemoth without incident and continued on to work, surprised I had never before known about this shop:

Ride Brooklyn


Yesterday I decided I was sick of my shitty stock brakes and set out to find a new pair of calipers. After finding Bicycle Habitat out of stock (unfortunately an all too common situation for them in the summertime), I tried this store out. Having taken note of the ubiquitous 'Brooklyn' cycling caps displayed in multiple 'colorways' in their window, I knew this was a well stocked shop indeed.


Pete and Jessica, the owners (or so I was led to believe), were extremely helpful and sold me not only a new set of calipers, but a wireless cateye cyclo-computer as well.


Considering Brooklyn Bike & Board boasts awesome mechanics but lacks the scale of other LBS's inventories, I doubt the two stores will step on each others toes too much, despite their being less than two full blocks away from one another. I will definitely continue to patronize both stores given their respective fortes.

Speaking of forte, Today's Stage 11 of the Tour de France ended with yet another victory for the 'dish. He snatched the victory from Thor Hushovd after the latter initiated the final sprint. In doing so, Cavendish has tied the record for number of stages won by a briton in the tour (8).


And of course this means he's back in the green.


There's not much to look forward to from Lance & Co. until this weekend, but perhaps the 'dish will keep us entertained until the race gets to the Alps and Versus can stop glazing over the post-race interviews with shots of the many chateauxs the race passes.

I'm always interested to see the aerial shots of little french villages and castles, but versus uses them as a crutch, which bothers me. I screen-capped the above shot because it was about the thousandth time they showed that same damn building.

I can hear the helicopter radio conversation now,

"Super-five-five, this is ground control do you copy? over."
"Copy that ground control, this is super-five-five, everyone's over the line... Any word from the network? over."
"Nothing yet super-five-five maintain a holding pattern over something pretty and shoot that until something happens on the ground. over."
"Copy that ground control, We've got a stately home with manicured lawns in our sights, good enough? over."
"Good to go super five-five, the winner has a british accent so network says no interviews allowed. over."
"Roger that ground control, we'll keep shooting this building 'til word comes down. over."

...salmoning on shore

I was standing on the sidewalk in front of my place in Brooklyn the other day, minding a friend's belongings while she raced to return a rented moving truck. I was chatting with my woman, minding my own business when I hear someone say politely, "excuse me!"

I turn around expecting to see a grocery-laden neighbor or something like that, but to my surprise it was a smiling woman on a folding bike..... on the sidewalk.


I suppose she was on the sidewalk because she decided that it was safer or more convenient than salmoning in the street. What's funny is how slow she was riding, making her sidewalk salmoning all the more beguiling. I bet if she rode on the street one block up in the correct direction, it would be much faster than slowly weaving through pedestrians who aren't expecting to encounter a bike in their space.

I snapped that picture and assumed it was a fluke, that surely this isn't common practice and that most cyclists are, like myself, reasonably law-abiding. I returned to my loitering and breeze-shooting for not five whole minutes before I saw another sidewalk salmon!


My camera took longer than usual to take the photo for some reason and I actually couldn't see this guy anymore when I took the picture. Upon opening it on the computer, I saw the common-though-elusive "sidewalk fry," the youthful version of the sidewalk salmon that is known to flit to and fro on neighborhood sidewalks.

I suppose this is the time of year when salmon are greatest in number and I should learn to disregard people who's behavior I find questionable, though sidewalk salmoning attains new levels of ridiculousness and should be quickly nipped in the bud.

Cyclists are always whining about how everyone is against them and nobody respects the bike lanes and blah blah blah... I have to say, abiding by the rules isn't going to make people sing your praises, but breaking them isn't going to win you many fans either.

Next time I see sidewalk salmon, I can assure you I won't be quietly shooting photos, instead I'll be shooting mean glares and perhaps say something derisive if I can break my stony, disgusted silence.

...shameless solicitation

So that woman of mine started a blog recently, posting seductive little photos of Brooklyn and a certain miniature lagomorph that is rather near-and-dear to me.

Not being skilled at evading irony, I noticed my readership has risen 106.05% since she started her blog two days ago. Ha! I guess it pays to have a popular and attractive woman introduce people to you. It's sort of like having my very own Vanna White, the only difference being she's not all that blonde or white...


...and it goes without saying that I am easily three times as dapper as Pat Sajak, and have a third the number of chins he does [zing!].

Since the dawn of time, man has struggled valiantly to harness the power of T&A for financial gain, using scantily clad women in compromising positions to imbue weak minds with vain hopes of attaining sexual nirvana by dressing, eating, or drinking in a given manner. Now, the funny part is that though many men are privy to these advertising shenanigans, they are powerless to resist the alluring gazes of billboard vixens.

The sport of cycling is one traditionally dominated by males and largely ignored by females (french women excluded). Until rather recently, the extent of women's involvement in cycling has been limited to being podium girls or masseuses. Luckily, there are now many notable female cyclists (like the one who died last weekend), and not all of them are raging dykes.

Fyxomatosis, a blog about fixed gear bikes of all shapes and "colorways", has a couple telling slideshows of cutsey hipster chicks fornicating with urban bike culture:


How rare and awe-inspiring it would be to see a model pedaling by, fully decked out in Eddy Merckx world champ duds! Of course, both the bike and the clothes are being marketed toward guys, not girls, so the sex-logic is lost somewhat, though I imagine its sort of like when trashy bimbos throw themselves on the hoods of customized economy cars, inspiring thousands of tiny asian boners and after-market parts sales. Surfing around for images of the late Farrah Fawcett yesterday, I ran across one that I think fits nicey within the context of sexification:


I don't know what kind of bike that is or even if it would fit me, but I want it; then perhaps my boyhood dreams of being fawned over by hot women for lame and trivial successes would come true!

Taking this to heart, I wonder if it couldn't hurt to apply some sexification to my blog and attract untold amounts of new readers, beckoned by the possibility of nsfw hyperlinks and increased libido-by-association. So be on the lookout for sexy new accouterments in the near future!