... Teitelbaum v. Teitelbaum and the Birth of Responsible Cycling

If you live in Brooklyn and ride a bicycle, it is likely that Bedford Avenue is not only convenient for you, but downright necessary. That's why when the city had 14 blocks of it ripped up from Flushing Avenue to Division Avenue last week, pretty much everyone on two wheels got pissed.

A lot of strong words and sweeping accusations were made as to the reasoning behind the bike lane's removal, but in the 'end' nobody's gotten a straight answer from either the Hasidic community through which the lane passed, or any city agencies (It should be noted that the stretch of removed lane lies squarely within the portion of Williamsburg most densely populated by the Hasids) directly responsible.

The silence of the City, to say the least, is rather troubling. I for one don't like knowing that the government (at any scale) has the blatant disregard for its own citizenry to refuse to explain what it is doing, especially when what it is doing has a dramatic and adverse effect on its "green" ambitions and public safety.

For better or worse, hundreds if not thousands of cyclists ride this road every day to access both manhattan via the bridge and North Williamsburg; so it is to be expected that some bored hipsters would get it in their heads to retaliate with the only weapons they have -- art supplies and oodles of free time.



Rumor had it that these "gorillas" (whatever that means) were stopped by the Hasid community watch (Shomrim) who then notified the NYPD, who then arrested those involved. Of course, that rumor came from a Hasidic blog and turned out to be completely false. While both the Shomrim and NYPD showed up, nobody was arrested and nobody was even issued a summons. then again, nobody ever said Hasids held ideals of virtue and truth too high...

Despite what I just wrote, I don't like to pass judgment on a people before I know all I can about them and their customs. I have spent a great deal of time trying desperately to understand the mentality of Hasidic Jews and why they do the seemingly illogical and anti social things they do...

Unfortunately, I have had little to no luck on this front, thanks in large part to the tradition of strict isolationism they practice; so I am left only with speculation. However, there are a few things one can surmise peering in on their society from without:

First, Hasids have a deep-seated belief in "god" (aka yaweh), and must be so convinced both that he exists and that they are his chosen people, they have absolutely no fear of death, which is evidenced by the alarming frequency and heedlessness with which they jaywalk on every roadway that may stand in their way.

What's even worse is the fact that cavalier attitude toward very dangerous traffic sets an extremely bad example for their children, who flit in and out of the roadway with even less care than do their parents.

This is annoying because their principal argument for the Bedford Bike lane's removal is safety for their children, which given their pedestrian habits (pun very much intended) is complete bullshit. Their other argument is that girls on bicycles riding through their neighborhood dress in too racy a manner for their taste, and that for the preservation of their chauvanistic culture, the lascivious display of ankles and shoulders must stop, lest it give their women some crazy idea that they have a right to make decisions for themselves.

Secondly, Hasidic Jews openly dislike anyone falling into their "goiyem" category, and are socially encouraged to extort, defraud, and generally cause indirect financial hardship for anyone not like them.

For people so concerned with persecution and acceptance (nearly every jewish holiday has something to do with their ancestor's problems in Egypt, Palestine, Europe, etc...) they're really quite blind when it comes to reflecting on their own actions.

At any rate, what I found interesting in my research into these religious zealots is that within their hermetic enclave, they have divided into rivaling factions that have such animosity that they can be expected to vote against anything the other votes for. Roughly half of the Hasids in this neighborhood identify either with this guy, Zalman Teitelbaum;


Or this guy, Aaron Teitelbaum.


The particulars of these brothers' connection is complex and largely apochryphal, so i'll just leave it that Zalman, the usurper, hates the Bedford ave bike lane and so naturally, Aaron loves it. So it turns out that several members of the A. Teitelbaum sect were slated to come out to help the hipsters reinstate the bike lane, but made only a token appearance.

Since there is no clear way to make cyclists, hipsters, and Hasids happy; I wonder if something drastic could at least help move things in a positive direction.

What if there were no such things as bike lanes? I had previously tried mightily to rate and explain the pros and cons of bike lanes, though quickly came to the realisation that all bike lanes everywhere suffer from the exact same problems, no matter how they are designed or where they are implemented:

Bike-Salmon,


Double- or otherwise illegally- parked cars,


and pedestrians,


If you think about it, cordoning off a stripe of roadway is extraordinarily convenient for everyone except the cyclists it is supposed to be for. It is a secure area for salmoning where if it did not exist, the salmon might be too frightened to ride upstream. It is an out-of-the-way spot for taxis, delivery trucks, and the Police to park while conducting their business. It is a great place for pedestrians to walk while waiting to jaywalk or hail a cab.

In short, all of these problems might be at least partially solved if bike lanes simply didn't exist. People who double park might feel more self conscious about blocking a dedicated traffic lane as opposed to a bike lane since bikes apparently don't belong on the road anyway. Pedestrians might stay on the sidewalk or at least be more cautious about leading out from between parked cars to jaywalk...

Of course this would stymie our collective effort to get as many people on bikes as possible (as a "green" initiative only), as many riders inexperienced with riding in real traffic would simply opt to take the subway instead out of fear. But imagine for a moment if, due to the lack of bike lanes, thousands of people continued to ride their bicycles, though in traffic and not cowering at the roadside waiting to get sideswiped.

I think it would literally force drivers and pedestrians to once and for all take us seriously as legitimate road users. Also, motorists wouldn't be able to bitch that we're robbing them of a lane anymore, so we'd simultaneously be disarming our most vocal opponents of their most tired tirade.

Though this will never happen. Bike lanes are now the barometer of "green-ness" and if the government can't fool people into thinking it has their best interests in mind with sad little bike lanes, how will we then be fed self-satisfaction?

Sorry about the rant.... and the title-bomb... just had to get this off my chest

... oh the irony

So this is what the new Sands St. separated bike lane has been reduced to; a parking spot for cable repairmen. If you've ridden this luxurious route to or from the bridges, like me you will wonder how these guys thought it was ok to hop the 6" curb that's obviously meant to deter vehicular traffic from violating the bike route.

Whatever, it's ok they're just doing their job right?

Speaking of jobs, some of us have jobs that consume our lives; we derive a sense of worth and accomplishment from the daily struggles at the office and know that it's for the benefit of both ourselves and the companies we work for.

Then there are those of us whose jobs are pointless and trite, though because we could be worse off, we stick around to continue the flow of income to fund "real life" which happens on the weekends and evenings.

Even lower on the great career totem are people like me, who've somehow gotten stuck getting paid little more than unemployment insurance would provide, yet stick around in vain hopes of one day being financially or productively vindicated even though the boss has more pressing matters to attend to.

I suppose that if you stay in the latter two situations long enough, you start to define your life by other means as necessary for coping with the extreme inequity of your situation. I have started filling my time with cycling and blogging, for instance, and I feel slightly heartened to read that others derive pleasure from similar things as well.

NYC's best Woody Allen impersonator to-date fills his mornings, weekends, and evenings exploring the city's 600+ miles of bike lanes. Apparently he's recorded each bike lane he rides and for how long and far, and has just completed riding on every lane in the city, culminating with Chrystie St. recently.


Well, this utterly shames the Bike Lane Rideability Index with its comprehensiveness. Though I do hope to one day have ridden every bike lane as well, and document each one here for the benefit of all, I doubt I could do it in the befuddled and self-depricating manner of Mr. Kronenberg there.

Curiously, he rode all that way on a $120 department store mountain bike. I guess it goes to show that any bike is better than no bike.

Speaking of which, I've put a few miles on my 'poor-man's road bike'; my odometer just rolled over 1000mi on my commute in this morning. whopee.

...the weekend sanity (installment 7)

I really didn't do much of anything this weekend. My boss doesn't feel it's necessary to pay me on time anymore and the moohare was up in Boston, so I was at a loss for what to do with my scarce funds and ample free-time.

I joined a (different) few friends who were biking up to go camping on Bear Mountain on Saturday morning and accompanied them as far as Nyack, not wanting to get back to Brooklyn too late. I have to say one of the weirdest feelings I've felt recently was when I rode back through Manhattan on that Saturday night after having biked over a hundred miles to Bear Mountain and back. I've never felt so out of place as I did looking haggard and dripping sweat at traffic lights in the village, as perfumed young socialites and wannabe players strutted by.

The ride through New Jersey was the same as it always is, so I opted to forgo bringing the camera since it would just be a reiteration of previous posts. However, Instead of taking the Williamsburg bridge, as I had on past trips, we used the Manhattan Bridge and cut across Soho to the WSH. We rode from Bed-Stuy along Flushing toward Dumbo, passing the impound lot and turning onto Sands st.

The last time I rode on any of these streets, they were either in complete disrepair or under construction (which is frequently worse for cyclists than simply dealing with the crappy roads). For that reason, I usually commute from Prospect Heights, where I live, through downtown Brooklyn to access the bridges. That route has become a force-of-habit and my commute is getting to be a little stale; so to shake things up a bit, I took a fairly different route this morning in order to present this double-edition BLRI!!!!

As I do most every day, I rode Vanderbilt Avenue northbound after turning off of my picturesque, brownstone-lined slice of Brooklyn. I usually opt to use this avenue at the outset of most of my trips by bicycle because it boasts both well-maintained bike lanes and conscientious pedestrians. It should be noted, however, that the amicability of the locals and light traffic seem to breed salmon (especially of the sidewalk variety).

Despite the infestation of idiots, Vanderbilt is a great street to ride, especially given the new Brooklyn Bike and Board shop between Bergen and Dean which enjoys a steady flow of business from weekend warriors, displaced hipsters, and commuters alike (and which was the subject of a recent LBSR).


Continuing across Atlantic Avenue, the bike lane sadly disappears and one must forcefully seize a lane from the clutches of vile Livery cars. The road quality is dramatically lower than before despite passing through what is in my opinion, one of Brooklyn's most beautiful neighborhoods, Fort Greene.


While I'm no fan of Neo-Gothic 'Architecture,' I've always enjoyed having silly buildings (like this private school) in and around my neighborhood, if for no better reason than to have something to joke about. It's useful in the way those kitschy Urban Outfitters trinkets are; a springboard for sematic debates about the rediculousness of consumerism and the wayward souls who are comforted by it.

Continuing past the BQE toward the Brooklyn Navy Yard, I was surprised to see a motorcycle shop x vespa dealership collabo (I'll be damned, they're growing in popularity):


It is my opinion that while scooters are a more reasonable choice of transport in congested cities than cars are; their continued use of gasoline and the haughty sense of self-righteousness they foster in their owners are just plain bad for society. (OK, I started to go off on a tangent about how much scooter-ers bug me, so I'm gonna reserve that for a later post).

After passing the police impound lot on Navy St, I turned onto Sands St. which has been wonderfully re-designed as the most bicycle conscious street NYC has presented me with! For that reason, this street will hold top-slot as the only A+ I will ever issue (unless if course this becomes the norm and then there's just no point in continuing the BLRI except to bitch).


I can't believe we actually have this kind of bike lane in Brooklyn! These are without a doubt the best kind (I bet Arup designed it)! As far as I know (and I bike a lot) this is the first of it's kind in NYC, as it is a noticeably brand-spankin'-new iteration of what has been done for years in places like Copenhagen.

Sands St., though a measly two blocks in length, has been transformed into what is arguably the best solution for cyclist - motorist altercations. Notice how the bike lanes are separated by a median and are located at the center of the road instead of in the door-swing range of parked cars. Also note (if you can) that the bike lanes, median, and stripey area are elevated about 6 inches above the car's lane. This is exactly what needs to be done with all streets to quell the incessant bickering between cabbies (who of course need to drop off and pick up passengers somewhere) and the cyclists they routinely cut off.

Unfortunately, most streets here are one way (despite what one would gather from the bourgoning salmon population) and despite its simplicity, this method of bike-lane separation may not work everywhere.

Continuing over the bridge and up through the city along my usual route, I decided that in the day's spirit of new routes, I'd try to ride up Park Ave instead of turning on 13th and taking 6th Ave as I normally would. I had tried this the very first day I commuted to work by bike and didn't have the grapes to try it again, though I was much less experienced with cycling in Manhattan at that point.

Now that I'm a bona-fide city cyclist, Park Avenue seemed like a walk in the park compared to 6th Ave (which you'll remember was recently awarded the BLRI rating of F), despite not having any bicycle designations or markings.

I think as long as you're comfortable riding between cars at around 20 mph Park Ave is definitely safer than using the 'bike lane' on 6th or the dumb separated paths on 8th or 10th. Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed that there are virtually no good bike-paths to take you downtown?

Until next time friends, mind the traffic.

...on sprinting

After lazily pedaling to work this morning, I fired up the 'ol computer and went to get coffee while the processor warmed up (yeah, it's that crappy of a machine... think of it as the Pinto of personal computing [sorry, I linked the wrong pinto]). Tuning in to watch stage 19 stream online, I was surprised that I nearly missed the action. Lately the stages have been ending around 11:30 - 11:45 am, so I thought I had a while to wait before things started to get interesting.

Not today.

Once the video started flowing, I saw the sprinters getting paced to the front of the field for a showdown to the line, and knew I had missed the drama of todays stage. Fortunately for me, I apparently caught the only interesting or game-changing event of the stage: Mark Cavendish's 5th win!


And of course the podium shot comes next:


Since Contador, Schleck and Armstrong are saving their legs for the climb up Mt. Ventoux tomorrow, none of them (or anyone else in GC contention) did much rank shuffling, leaving the finish to be contested by the sprinters.

While Cavendish took the win today, Thor Hushovd is still in the green jersey and could hang onto it until Paris on Sunday, though he'll have to work hard to keep the man-missle ('dish is from the storied Isle of Man, in addition to being rather missle-like, hence the nickname) away. Considering the ride into Avenue des Champs-Élysées is long, straight, and flat; we could see the 'dish snag the green at the last possible moment.

Sprinting like your life depends seems rather like the 6th ave leg of my morning commute, so that in mind, I present the next installment of the BLRI (whopee!).

After cutting cross-town on 13th street every morning, I turn north onto sixth avenue to head up to Herald sq. to get a coffee from my favorite coffee cart. This stretch of my commute represents the absolute epitome of scary city cycling. If you're not quick on your toes and light on the pedals, the chances you will ever ride this avenue again are slim to none. While many commuters use the bike lane on 6th, I refuse to; it is not only littered with road debris, but is also routinely used as the left-turn lane for taxis who are oblivious to the numerous cyclists they seem to enjoy cutting off.

For that reason, I usually take the leftmost lane for myself so that I can slide to the right of turning cabs should they decide to get in my way. Sometimes this results in me getting stuck between lanes and I have to keep pace with traffic that is simultaneously agressive and fast-moving.

There are also many construction sites along 6th, where the sidewalk is diverted under the incomplete building, causing many people to assume that the bike lane is their new sidewalk, regardless of how dangerous it may be to stroll against traffic that is moving at 30+ mph.


Though there is a silver lining to this mayhem; when you finally manage to blow past a wave of cars, you are rewarded for your masterful sprinting with a wide avenue all to yourself:


This is my paradise. Clear sailing from here on out. Though that doesn't save 6th Avenue from the wrath of the BLRI:


Now it is important that we recognize the purpose of a BLRI rating of 'F'. As it is the Bike Lane Rideability Index, what is being judged here is 6th avenue's pitiful example of sharing the road. The bike lane on 6th might as well not even exist since nobody cares to respect it's demarcations or users. Bits and pieces of broken cars populate EVERY intersection here and flat many an unsuspecting tire. Salmon are unfortunately rather common here, especially between 23rd St. and 30th St.

Earlier this week, as a matter of fact, I was riding along this route (in the evening for a change) and saw a salmon get his back wheel tacoed by a left-turning cab. Usually I will stop and offer assistance to downed cyclists, but in my mind, Salmon are no cyclists at all... They are self-serving idiots who deserve to be hit.

I rode on as the salmon filed a 311 report. He gave me this "won't you please stop to be a witness?" look, but was met with only my stony silence and penetrating glare reserved only for offending bike salmon. Poor cabbie, he even had his blinker on.

Though never fear, despite it's plethora of drawbacks, 6th avenue is a pretty efficient way to get to midtown fast, it definitley gets you in shape trying to out-gun cars and trucks bearing down on you from behind. Plus, being last isn't all bad; as occasionally-worth-reading blog Cycling Tips has noted, the one who comes in last often worked the hardest. Well, thats true in the tour at least.

Ride safe this weekend, and look forward to photos (I swear the camera is coming along this time) from a sure-to-be-epic grind up to Bear Mountain.

...BLRI - the chinatown edition

Riding into work today, I was happy to find that it (as it has been the past few days) was a very comfortable temperature for cycling. Feeling sprightly and refreshed from my 'rest day' yesterday, I zipped quickly over the bridge, leaving in my wake many emasculated fixters.

Well, I suppose they don't really care how fast they're going anyway, as you can see from this track bike's handlebar statement. I think what is meant by this is instead "fuck multiple gear ratios and the ability to shift."

Then again perhaps I'm wrong and this person literally objects to any toothed cogs without exception... Since there's no side view of the bike, it is impossible to tell; but I hope it belongs to one of fixed-gear-riding's lesser-known fringe groups: the un-fixed riders.

Known to be vehemently against any sort of gain ratio or mechanical advantage whatsoever, the un-fixed riders will shuffle along, finally making use of their day-glo top-tube pads, while the pedals dangle arbitrarily at the side. Undoubtedly, only the most 'hard-core' of the fixter scene would be admitted to the chain-free ranks of un-fixedness.

I really hope this trend, like the pista trend, catches on. Then they can start offering free chain-removal 'upgrades' at urban outfitters, the number one inspirational source for subcultural poseurs and aspiring beatnicks alike.

(I really encourage you to follow the above link and take note that UO has attempted to re-brand itself as a bike shop; meaning they sell bar grips and knog lights in all sorts of different 'colorways'.)

Having dropped the fixies like a bunch of Fabian Cancellaras on stage seven of the tour this morning, I decided to document one of my most travelled streets in the city. Directly after a few ironic switchbacks coming off the Manhattan bridge, most everyone who isn't heading downtown rides north on chrystie st to Delancey or Houston (or beyond, but more on that in a moment). Being a bi-directional street, it has major differences between the south-bound and north-bound sides.

Riding north in the mornings along the bike lane on Chrystie is pleasant only after you pass Grand st. which is apparently the bermuda triangle for asian minivan pilots and delivery trucks (seriously, nobody at that intersection knows which way they want to go). Beyond there it is OK as long as you avoid wayward delivery salmon and, well, the bike lane.


Due to abundant debris consisting of shattered glass, twigs, trash, and rocks, the bike-lane is actually three or so feet to the left of where it has been designated on the pavement (as highlighted by the BADA55 lines). Motorists usually give you space on this side, and lacking a sidewwalk, is relatively ped-free. With the power vested in me by myself, I hereby confer upon this stretch of Chrystie St. the Bike-Lane-Rideability-Index (BLRI) grade of:


Not too bad all things considered... As I've said before and of which you may already be aware, it is a two way street and as such, warrants multiple analyses.

The SB side is almost the antithesis of the NB side; alike in kind though opposite in every positive and negative way. Where the NB side touts added width the SB side shrinks to near useless levels; where the NB side is sidewalk and parallel parking free for much of its course, on the SB side, there is no relief from jaywalking pedestrians or the door-swing-zone. Most notable are the 'rollers' along the SB bike lane; small but gentle rises and dips in the poorly laid blacktop test your bike's construction as well as your grip (not too tight, not too loose).

Though you risk being cut off by besuited station-wagoners, the SB side is the primary lead up to the Manhattan bridge and benefits from this monopoly as most people are fairly aware that during rush hour, zillions of cyclists pass through here.


Interestingly, chrystie street morphs from a two way street into south-bound-only 2nd Ave. It is at this point I have been lucky enough to witness a 'fork in the road,' so to speak, where cyclists choose either to find a legal and safe route north, or they gloriously transform into bike-salmon, fighting upstream to reach what I imagine are the UES spawning grounds. The small UES frys have been known to learn the salmoning art from their parents in the eddies of the Central Park loop before venturing down to Brooklyn when their fathers freeze the trust-fund (to teach them 'responsibility') before awarding them full partnerships in their law firms.


That's all for today, friends... ride smooth and avoid bearly cheating death by riding the correct direction.

...the weekend madness (installment 4)

I flew back to Houston for the weekend not to celebrate July 4th in typical Texas style, but to attend my parent's 25th wedding anniversary celebrations at the Sweetwater Country Club complete with a five course sit-down dinner, and upper-lip-biting/fist-clenched dancing only white people can pull off.


I have to say, my folks put together quite a soiree that evening, and despite the cheesy, bourgeois decor it was definitely a night to be remembered. (This is not to say I could've done any better, If it was possible and left up to me, all social gatherings would take place at ominously emotive sites.) I think my favorite part of the party was the kransekage, or horn of plenty, filled with chocolate covered strawberries.


Of course, I didn't forget that Saturday was the start of the Tour de France, though much to my chagrin, Tennis rules the tube at my father's house during the summer. Saturday morning, we sat around watching the men's singles final at Wimbledon. After a gripping exchange of fuzzy balls, Andy Roddick, another extraordinary Austinite, narrowly lost the match to Roger Federer, the swiss tennis master. I felt really bad for Andy because he really played his heart out and just couldn't beat Federer, who in winning, claimed his 15th grand slam title; more than any other tennis player ever.

Lance was also bummed that his countryman was bested by Federer, though rode strongly on both Saturday and Sunday, and currently is within the top 10 at the Tour... Bored of the post-match commentary, I decided to take my father's Bianchi Volpe out for a spin on the wide and luxurious Braes Bayou bike path.


Braving the 100+ degree heat, I rode next to this above-ground-sewer into the medical center and then up through downtown and then back on city streets. Pouring sweat, I realized two important things:

1. Its dumb to go outside for longer than 10 minutes in Houston without mass amounts of water.

2. Cycling caps aren't strictly a fashion statement, they keep stinging, salty sweat from dripping into your eyes, blinding you.

However, despite the sweltering humidity and sun, I've always held this bike path as an ideal of sorts. It is bumpy in spots and certainly could be maintained better, though being separated from cars by 50'-100' of verdant esplanade is a frustrated city-cyclist's dream. The bike lane even forks at cross-streets so you can choose if you want to go under the bridge, closer to the bayou, or up to the intersection, breaking up the monotonous Houston flatness while being a commuter's dream.

This in mind, I've decided someone needs to work toward a rating system for bike lanes so that one can know what to expect from given stretches of roadway around the 5boros. Since I don't have the manpower of Google, and find Map My Ride and Bikely useful though not informative enough, I'm going to assign a grade to city roads I ride for the benefit of my readers as I ride them. I had meant to start this earlier but I didn't have a benchmark for the extremes of the grade scale.

Well, using Braes Bayou as a jump off point makes this somewhat easier. So to officially start the Just-Say-Yes-NYC Bike-Lane-Rideability-Index (BLRI), I present the first (rarely seen) grade of A to braes bayou:


Cartainly this isn't a noteworthy grade without something to compare it to... lets take Broadway's new separated bike lane between 26th and 33rd sts:


While I praise the efforts of Janette Sadik-Khan, Broadway falls well below par, even for this city. Rife with pedestrians, salmon of all varieties, left-turning cars, and cabs who don't understand they've been provided a "pickup lane", Broadway here is one of the least efficient routes south. I regularly avoid it altogether and take 5th Ave south and hook up with broadway where this hackeneyed organizational scheme ends. Giving it a D- also lets me reserve some impact for when I decide drop an F on some yet-to be-seen route or lack thereof.

Be on the lookout for more crumudgeonly ratings in the future, and as always, ride safe today.