...Race Report: Prospect Park 3/28

I just spent an hour scouring the web for photos of yesterday's race at Prospect Park but have come up empty-handed... I guess it takes the photographers a while to post. Considering there were at least a dozen scattered around the course, I have no doubt I'll soon come across stunning images of myself sitting, scared shitless, in the middle of the peloton.

I think that's the best summary of the race: scary as fuck. the field was limited to 50 and it was either totally full or exceeded by ten to twenty; save the 5boro bike tour, I've never ridden with so many people at once...

I awoke at 4:30am sharp and proceeded to do a very abbreviated version of what I guess is becoming my pre-race ritual: I showered, ran a razor over the knees (stubbly knees are terrible for riding), ate a couple bowls of cereal and some bananas while air-drying the "crotchal region", dressed, ran a baby-wipe or two over the bike, oiled the chain a little, and double checked that all my supplies were in order.

I got to the start about half an hour before we got under way and was stoked that being of the internet generation, I had the foresight to preregister. The line for registration was really, really long.

The start was fairly different from how it's done at FBF, instead of intermittent start times, all the racers were instructed to line up in packs according to field, with us lowly cat5's at the very back. We rolled up to the line and with a peep of the whistle, we were off.

I felt really pensive about this race for several reasons. First, to me this is home-court, I ride here damn near every day and know the route like the back of my hand, giving me somewhat of an edge over the bridge and tunnel racers. Secondly, and as I said before, there were a LOT of people... seeing the park literally packed from edge to edge with bicycles was beguiling to say the least.

We rolled around at a not-too-tiring pace for the entire "race".

On the back stretch, the course rapidly narrows to one lane from two and there's a line of fixed white plastic bollards that divide the road there. in front of those the organizers had placed a line of six miniature orange cones to compress the field for that turn.On the first lap I was following a wheel on the extreme right of the road when the field tightened up for that turn, he veered scarily to the left and I was presented with a line of cones to roll over and there was nothing I could do about it.

I totally expected to crash but didn't (whew!) but I sent all six cones bouncing around in the peloton.

On the very next lap, after passing the Grand Army Plaza entrance, a BSR rider crashed somehow. Fortunately I was all the way to the right of the field and it happened all the way to the left, so I don't know the exact circumstances of how it transpired. All I saw was a lone bicycle fly up over the peloton, followed by three riders and their bikes, and then a tangle of 5-8 laying on the ground.

The pace quickened after that as though everyone not involved saw an opportunity to make a move... you should never look behind you (unless you're definitely in the lead), so I'm not certain, but I think that crash cut the field in two; those who jumped after the crash (of which I was a part) and those caught in the fray who had to slow down and go around.

Nothing interesting happened in the next four laps, except that I made damn sure to stay in the middle on that dang turn where I nearly ate it.

In a slightly bullshitty turn of events, the Pro1/2/3 breakaway caught the 5's on the downhill right before our finish, so the commisare was forced to neutralize our field (meaning pace gets regulated by the commisare's car, not supported by it, and attacks are not allowed) until about 50-100m from the line. This, of course, meant the peloton expanded like a slinky going in for the finish and not wanting to muscle my way up through ten to twenty egomaniacal riders, I sat in for about 15th place.

In retrospect, this race suffered from a few things that it doesn't take a seasoned pro to notice.

First, the leadout was completely disorganized, resulting as I said, in a pretty slow race. we finished seven laps (25mi) in 1:04:36 (at least that was my time, and I finished with the front). When I train at Prospect Park, I do seven laps in exactly one hour. I don't know how to get people to share an effort on the front, especially when it could very well cost them valuable energy required for the sprint, but someone's gotta take charge. maybe next week that'll be me.

Secondly, the only attacks came on the downhill section. I'm not sure what advice they've been listening to but that's a seriously futile effort. the peloton rapidly gobbled them back up and they finished with nothing to show for it.

Lastly (though not least-ly), because of the general lack of skill in the 5's, tactics (aside from attacking and riding fast), are pretty much useless. This is kind of a bummer, but makes me want to get to the 4's that much quicker, since I'll be both more familiar with the other riders, and all the non-hackers will be in the 5's still.

Not to give away my master plan, but considering the lazy speed with which this race went off, I think this coming Saturday I'm going to do the following: start at the middle of the peloton and hold my position for two to three laps. on the fourth or fifth lap I'm going to make my way, slowly and quietly, into the leadout train. I'll take a pull or two, and then attack on the main hill at the bell lap. I think this'll work 'cause the peloton was only doing 17-19mph up that hill and if I'm feeling rested, I can shoot up that fucker at 25 easy. considering uphill sections negate the positive effects of drafting, I don't expect too many people to follow closely. I'll put my head down and hammer that shit to the finish. Unless the leadout train can pull it's head out of it's ass and get organized, I should have a pretty good chance of staying away and coming out with 1st. If I don't, at least it'll have been a good effort and I won't finish feeling just-warmed-up.

Criticism aside, bicycle racing is still probably the most fun I've had doing a "sport" ever, and you can rest assured that even the most negative experiences I (have had/will have) are at least educational and therefore positive to some degree.

Lookin' forward to this weekend... come out if you can pull yourself out of bed before 6:30am and watch me either win or hurt myself trying.

...wowzers

I just want to preface this long overdue post with a short apology. I've somehow lost two things that are rather precious to me in the past week which adversely affect my ability to post topically on the recent events of my life: my ipod and the USB cable that connects my phone to the computer. Since I've always got my phone with me that's where most pertinent media is stored.

Oh wait. fuck. I forgot about bluetooth. nevermind, that just requires posting from my up-to-date computer and not the glorified paperweight I'm currently using.

Moving right along, I finally did a race at Floyd Bennett Field.

(race course in red, start/finish was actually by the parking lot on the right near the water)

Going into the race I really had no idea what to expect... I assumed that either my fitness was sufficient to easily race the course without breaking a sweat, or it would be so hard I'd get dropped like a hot rock within a lap or two. In short, I'd never done this before so I got some serious flutterby action in the stomach while waiting for the PRO/1-2-3 race to get moving so we could start.

Charlie Issendorf, the race director for Kissena, implored us to stay safe and reminded us of some rules pertaining mishaps and what to do should we get lapped by the PRO/1-2-3 field, which never happened. then we were off...

The First Lap

Right off the line the pace immediately jumped to 25mph+ and after the first turn we ran into a considerable headwind but stayed above 20mph. The first turn is a slow right at the apex of which is a very fast surface change, immediately after going over that the first time I heard "PSSSSSSSSSSSSSST.......awwww fuck!" from right behind me... rider out.

I got myself mixed in with the "lead group" when I chased down an unsuccessful break that was moving really fast in the slight tailwind that had battered us earlier. I had intended to bridge up to it so as to not get dropped from contention but that encouraged the peloton to move up too, so before long the group was tight on the front again. I pulled at the front for a minute or so and dropped back to catch my breath as we completed the first lap. Lesson learned: never attack in a tailwind.

Mid-Race

The next two laps were uneventful aside from people getting popped off the back, which was of no concern to me... I pulled once or twice more and decided that if I kept doing that, I wouldn't have any matches left for the inevitable speed-increase at the bell-lap. I sat in the peloton for most of the rest of the race and slowly moved up through the middle of the pack staying around 15th off the front.

I was surprised at how fast we were going; I was sitting up, pedaling at a comfortable pace and was being sucked along at around 30mph the whole time.

I've done pacelining before, and while you can certainly feel the positive effects of someone breaking the air for you, it becomes magnified when riding 40-50 people deep... While I don't want to be a wheelsucker, I think this Saturday I'm going to sit up mid-pack as much as possible and save everything I've got for the sprint.

At one point I got stuck fighting for myself on the windward side of the pack and had to really hoof it to stay in contact with the group.. I moved up through the field, and in retrospect, I'm glad I did because no sooner than I had gotten into position for the final turn of the third lap than I hear the grinding, scraping and thudding of a crash directly behind me. My first instinct was to turn around and look but I reminded myself that this was in fact a race and that their misfortune was none of my concern (this time). Later I discovered the guy sitting on my wheel slid out and took two others with him. Lesson learned: Love the draft, fear the wind.

Final Lap

As we started the bell lap, the pace remained relatively docile. I had assumed the pace would immediately jump 5-10mph upon hearing the bell but I couldn't complain, I had tried to establish my position at the front on the fourth lap and nearly cooked my legs trying to pull too long. I was sitting in roughly thirtieth place at this point.

I spent the majority of the last lap positioning myself for the sprint and quietly moved up to about fifth, letting the front of the peloton lead me out.

At the final turn I was in third position and with the finish rapidly approaching, I was surprised nobody had initiated the sprint. I'd watched enough races to know what to do; I dropped two cogs, stood, and took off...

Too soon. Two guys came around me on either side at full tilt and once fully ahead of me the guy at my 1 o'clock veered sharply into the guy at my 11 and I was forced to tap my rear brake (which can be a little frightening at 40mph) just a tiny bit. Hitting the brake forced me to scrub just enough speed that right before the line I got passed by several people and managed to finish about tenth (maybe ninth, maybe eleventh).

Concerning that near-crash, what the first rider did is a super novice move, you should hold your line at all times; even when you're swinging the bike around for leverage in a sprint, your wheels should be tracking a straight line. The offended rider rightly filed an official complaint with the organizer and the offending rider will likely be given a stern warning if  he's not banned from racing there for a while. Lesson learned: stay off the brakes.

All in all, I had an awesome time at FBF... so much so that I've already pre-registered for two races this coming weekend: another FBF race of the same format, and a seven lap (25mi) race at Prospect Park on Sunday. Stay tuned for thorough reports from both this weekend

Ride fast...

...the weekend madness (installment 11)

I'm not going to lie; aside from a swingin' good time at a friend's birthday party and ten token laps around Prospect Park, I really didn't do any good cycling this weekend...

Bike racers call all time on the bike not in a race or race-pace setting "junk miles". This apparently includes commuting, pleasure riding, running errands, etc... That in mind, I'm bummed to learn that about 70% of the miles I clock every week are "junk."

Of course, I take issue with the idea that any time spent on a bicycle could be junk - and by extension, worthless - especially when I'm enjoying a nice ride through previously unknown locales. That's why news like this makes my heart split in two:

Photo: Tom Reel, San Antonio Express News.

This is Kylie Bruehler, 7, at a memorial service for her parents. One day recently, they went out for a nice ride together on their tandem bike in Bexar Co. when they were struck from behind by a pickup truck and killed. The mother, Alexandra, died at the scene; and her husband, Gregory, died an hour after being airlifted to a hospital.

Ehh, I'm already getting a little choked up here.... read the "news story" about it here.

If you didn't bother to click that link you were about to miss the best part, but no worries, I'll relate it to you now:

Investigators say there are no charges on the driver. They believe this was an accident and that somehow the driver lost control of his truck.

One more time for impact "NO CHARGES ON THE DRIVER"

That's just salt on the emotional wounds this poor girl will carry for the rest of her life... Add insult to injury and this is what you get.

I'm not entirely sure how someone can either intentionally or unintentionally run down two people, drag them for over 200 feet, killing them, and get off totally free. 100 fucking percent blameless right? Maybe it's a Texas thing, though I'm not certain 'cause I'm from texas and I remember it to be a place fairly crawling with police, itching to issue citations for the most minor of infractions.

Maybe when it comes to something big or important they're left dumbstruck about what to do since they're too busy eating fucking donuts under overpasses waiting for someone to do 56 in a 55 on "their highway".

But of course, when the law abiding citizenry tries to curtail needlesss motorist/cyclist altercations by proposing a "safe passing distance law", and it passes both the house and senate with flying colors, you get dickheads like Rick Perry that'll just veto it because it's "unnecessary."

Score one for rednecks, now you can actually go all the way in running me off the road and not have to stop at screaming "faggot!" as you drive by... Don't worry, It'll be my fault that I was on the road you and only you pay taxes for, right?

Ignorance makes the bile flow upstream, like a salmon...

...keepin it real Thursdays

As we all know by now (I hope), motorists in general have a distinct distaste for cyclists. In places like New York City, the reasons for this are more apparent than in other places. Cyclists make the inefficiencies of cars glaringly obvious to motorists, for instance, as they're stuck in a gridlock that bicycles can slip through like water through a sieve. Fortunately, in this city, if your rights as a cyclist are ever infringed upon, rest assured that there are certain cyclists around you that will exact swift retribution upon the offending car. It's a safety in numbers thing I suppose...

Other places around the country, the number and density of cyclists is much lower, making us vastly outnumbered by cars and trucks on many roadways; yet still, many drivers think it's amusing to taunt cyclists or intentionally press them into guardrails or off the shoulder. They view bicycles as an impediment to the free flow of traffic, since driving safely with a cyclist requires slightly more attention, which I've heard is in short supply these days.

By now, this is old news, but I'll repost it here for posterity. Earlier this week, in Asheville NC, a long-time firefighter for some reason became irate that a man, his wife, and their child were cycling on what the firefighter deemed to be an unsafe street for bikes. Apparently he stopped and started an argument with the father before pulling out a handgun and shooting him in the head! Luckily the bullet passed through his helmet and didn't touch his skull. This is the maniacal firefighter who it seems can't contain his hatred for "bad parenting". Please remember the time-honored tradition of throwing rotten fruits and vegetables at him if you ever have the opportunity.


(a little advice, don't read the comments on that article; they will only serve to aggrivate you in a way only backward thinking car-obsessed people can)

As always, while it seems things are going down the tubes for cyclists elsewhere, in NYC, cyclists rights are on the up-and-up! I've long been a fierce defendant of the bike lanes' boundaries and frequently take it upon myself to make drivers aware of their infringements, often at great risk to my own safety. Though as Gothamist has noted recently, the police are actually ticketing people for blocking bike lanes with their cars (and other things too, I hope)!!!! Personally, I feel rather vindicated by this news, and to be sure, I'll definitely point out offending motorists to any officers I pass (not that the officers themselves give a flying fuck about cyclists).


Other recent victories for cyclists here include the passing of a recent bill that allows bicycles into all buildings in NYC that boast freight elevators, in an effort to promote commuting by bicycle. Much to the chagrin of noted cycling crumudgeon, Mikael (of Copenhagenize and Copenhagen Cycle Chic fame), New York is slowly becoming one of the more bike-friendly megalopoli in this country. While I'm not sure if this bill will really encourage "tens of thousands of commuters to get on two wheels," as TA executive Director Paul Steely White claims; it sure is a step in the right direction.

Maybe one day my dream of a car-free manhattan will come true. Once we get off of this addiction to laziness and preoccupation with safety, I guarantee we will see a fitter, happier, and more prosperous US of A.

Perhaps transportation alternatives could start an automobile smear-campaign with images like these that the aforementioned Mikael designed (I believe they are his brainchild, anyway) to resemble the garish, large, and intentionally obtrusive warning labels found on packs of cigarettes.


I'm really enamored by the idea that perhaps in our warning-label-obsessed society, we can find room for one more, placed squarely on top of dashboards or as permanent, federally mandated bumper stickers, to deride drivers the same way we do smokers. Heck, maybe we could design some warning against the dangers of fatties too!

...on sprinting

After lazily pedaling to work this morning, I fired up the 'ol computer and went to get coffee while the processor warmed up (yeah, it's that crappy of a machine... think of it as the Pinto of personal computing [sorry, I linked the wrong pinto]). Tuning in to watch stage 19 stream online, I was surprised that I nearly missed the action. Lately the stages have been ending around 11:30 - 11:45 am, so I thought I had a while to wait before things started to get interesting.

Not today.

Once the video started flowing, I saw the sprinters getting paced to the front of the field for a showdown to the line, and knew I had missed the drama of todays stage. Fortunately for me, I apparently caught the only interesting or game-changing event of the stage: Mark Cavendish's 5th win!


And of course the podium shot comes next:


Since Contador, Schleck and Armstrong are saving their legs for the climb up Mt. Ventoux tomorrow, none of them (or anyone else in GC contention) did much rank shuffling, leaving the finish to be contested by the sprinters.

While Cavendish took the win today, Thor Hushovd is still in the green jersey and could hang onto it until Paris on Sunday, though he'll have to work hard to keep the man-missle ('dish is from the storied Isle of Man, in addition to being rather missle-like, hence the nickname) away. Considering the ride into Avenue des Champs-Élysées is long, straight, and flat; we could see the 'dish snag the green at the last possible moment.

Sprinting like your life depends seems rather like the 6th ave leg of my morning commute, so that in mind, I present the next installment of the BLRI (whopee!).

After cutting cross-town on 13th street every morning, I turn north onto sixth avenue to head up to Herald sq. to get a coffee from my favorite coffee cart. This stretch of my commute represents the absolute epitome of scary city cycling. If you're not quick on your toes and light on the pedals, the chances you will ever ride this avenue again are slim to none. While many commuters use the bike lane on 6th, I refuse to; it is not only littered with road debris, but is also routinely used as the left-turn lane for taxis who are oblivious to the numerous cyclists they seem to enjoy cutting off.

For that reason, I usually take the leftmost lane for myself so that I can slide to the right of turning cabs should they decide to get in my way. Sometimes this results in me getting stuck between lanes and I have to keep pace with traffic that is simultaneously agressive and fast-moving.

There are also many construction sites along 6th, where the sidewalk is diverted under the incomplete building, causing many people to assume that the bike lane is their new sidewalk, regardless of how dangerous it may be to stroll against traffic that is moving at 30+ mph.


Though there is a silver lining to this mayhem; when you finally manage to blow past a wave of cars, you are rewarded for your masterful sprinting with a wide avenue all to yourself:


This is my paradise. Clear sailing from here on out. Though that doesn't save 6th Avenue from the wrath of the BLRI:


Now it is important that we recognize the purpose of a BLRI rating of 'F'. As it is the Bike Lane Rideability Index, what is being judged here is 6th avenue's pitiful example of sharing the road. The bike lane on 6th might as well not even exist since nobody cares to respect it's demarcations or users. Bits and pieces of broken cars populate EVERY intersection here and flat many an unsuspecting tire. Salmon are unfortunately rather common here, especially between 23rd St. and 30th St.

Earlier this week, as a matter of fact, I was riding along this route (in the evening for a change) and saw a salmon get his back wheel tacoed by a left-turning cab. Usually I will stop and offer assistance to downed cyclists, but in my mind, Salmon are no cyclists at all... They are self-serving idiots who deserve to be hit.

I rode on as the salmon filed a 311 report. He gave me this "won't you please stop to be a witness?" look, but was met with only my stony silence and penetrating glare reserved only for offending bike salmon. Poor cabbie, he even had his blinker on.

Though never fear, despite it's plethora of drawbacks, 6th avenue is a pretty efficient way to get to midtown fast, it definitley gets you in shape trying to out-gun cars and trucks bearing down on you from behind. Plus, being last isn't all bad; as occasionally-worth-reading blog Cycling Tips has noted, the one who comes in last often worked the hardest. Well, thats true in the tour at least.

Ride safe this weekend, and look forward to photos (I swear the camera is coming along this time) from a sure-to-be-epic grind up to Bear Mountain.

...keepin it real Thursdays (late ed.)

Fortunately for this blog, there have been lots of crashes, smashes and bucket kicking of late and I am proud to commence this edition of KIRT with a tribute to the unforgettable Taco Bell bitch (yes, turns out it is a female... who knew?), Gidget the Chihuahua, who is now dead.


I'm sure that while Mexicans the world over are throwing lavish fiestas now that the poster-dog for the bastardization of the Spanish language is dead, Americans are feeling a little bummed about the loss of yet another icon of tasteless advertising.

In the Tour de France this Tuesday past, Jens Voigt crashed at extremely high speed while descending the Col du Petit-Saint-Bernard, resulting in a fractured cheekbone and a concussion. Unfortunately for him, he's being kept at a hospital in Grenoble and will no longer be able to contest the remaining stages of the tour (not that he really had a chance at GC contention, but still). Velonews reports:

Voigt apparently hit a dip on the road to knock his equilibrium off as he rode at the tail of the group of GC riders. His front wheel violently jolted and the veteran German landed hard on his face and chest as speeds topped 70kph.

Ouch... all face. Now, I couldn't help but notice that not only did that look fairly painful, the part of his head 'protected' by his helmet never really came into contact with the pavement; as usual, the skull's fall was cushioned by his chest, face, and shoulders hitting first. Don't believe me? watch it a few more times.

This further supports my opinion that cycling helmets are simply what non-cycling legislators have latched onto as something that 'saves lives' though they are rarely (if ever) the focal point of impacts.

The fearmongering our government (and many others) utilizes in effort to be absolved of wrongdoing has very lasting and negative effects on our society. For example, isn't it strange that when you tell someone about a cycling accident where someone broke their leg (just pulling them out of the air here) the first thing they'll ask is "well, were they wearing a helmet?" as though a styrofoam basket on your head will prevent taxis from merging into you or will somehow make concrete easier on the knees.

Yo Quiero menos restricciónes.

update: real sorry about that video being gone... This always happens with late-breaking video from eurosport, versus, and universal sports. look forward to a curt tirade about copyrighting and other affronts to the freedom of knowledge.

...double doody!

I felt bad about not posting anything yesterday, so for your reading pleasure, I present today's (rarely seen) second post!

I have to say, blogging isn't as easy as it may seem. Writing these posts taxes the limits of my wit and vocabulary; all in an effort to bring you the craftiest diatribes while simultaneously looking busy at 'work'. Like a rider of the pro-peloton, I have to be 'on', or 'in form' to opine both cynically and humorously. Yesterday's crummy weather helped to convince me that I ought to take it as a day off the bike to let my legs rest up. Unfortunately, that always results in me feeling lazy and useless, destroying any ambition I might have had for the day.

Monday, however I did ride in and enjoyed it very much! I have been noticing construction equipment accumulating at the base of the Manhattan Bridge for some time now and have been curious what the fuss is all about. That morning they were moving around plastic jersey barriers which have recently replaced the fencing that forced bridge users to use this strange switchback thing off Forsyth St. instead of riding directly onto the bridge.


I inquired about the planned construction from this fellow (who was none-too pleased that I was snapping photos of him), and he confirmed that indeed the DOT has heard the lamentations of cyclists! No longer will we be forced to strangle our brake-levers coming off the bridge! No longer will we have to negotiate four tight turns and an two traffic lights!

This may also help alleviate cyclist/chinatown tension which, as we can see from this video, is boiling over in places nearby (for the record, that video counts toward tomorrow's KIRT post in the event I can't find anything more shocking, haha).

On Gothamist there is a blurb about a City Room article regarding cycling-under-the-influence and the legality of doing so. It seems as though a group has organized a 'Bike to the Bars' event to be held in concert with Bloomberg's landmark dedication of July as 'Good Beer Month'! They will ride to 10 bars and presumably become drunk on good beer throughout the ride.


Though one should be careful when sporting and ingesting controlled substances, as we learned from noted lush and skiing enthusiast Tom Boonen recently. While not technically illegal in the US, biking under the influence (BUI), I can say from experience, is not a smart thing to do. My previous stance on booze x cycling collabo's was one of indifference, assuming that like salmon, drunk cyclists were a self-thinning population.

That was, of course, until I rode home one night in a cycling x weed x beer collabo and nearly died running a red light on Flatbush ave around midnight. Yeah, it made quite a scene and the driver rightly admonished my poor life-choices. Interestingly, the police cruiser stopped behind me at the light did absolutely nothing about it, I assume because the situation had diffused itself and my ears were already red with embarrassment without their help.

I can assure you I have, from then on, closely monitored my inebriation when a bike has been my ticket home.

Another thing to shy away from is blood doping. While I don't think transcendent experiences are the norm for blood dopers, it sure must be trippy narrowly losing the Giro d'Italia and then possibly being stripped of second-place 'glory'. That's right, you gathered correctly... Danilo Diluca, the man who wore the pink jersey throughout the beginning of the Giro this year, tested positive for EPO, namely: CERA (whatever that is).

Of course, he's vehemently denying these positives. I would too. I think the only thing more damaging to a sporting career than getting caught elevating your rate of oxygen uptake, is having to admit to having Cera in your heart. Though good thing I'm not pro because to tell you the truth, Cera's in my heart too. I loved his befuddlement when Juno told him she was preggers, not to mention his moving portrayal of a love-lorn high schooler in Superbad... man that movie was neat-o!

...Sejr for Danmark!

Today was a great day for Danes everywhere as former danish national road racing champion (twice, once in 2003 and again in 2008), Nicki Sørensen, destroyed the breakaway with an attack at just over 5km to the finish of stage 12. Though this is the first Tour de France stage victory for Sørensen, he is no stranger to the podium as evidenced by his growing list of wins. Here he is celebrating as he crossed the line more than thirty seconds ahead of the breakaway and six and a half minutes clear of the peloton:


Of course, I can't rob you of the requisite podium shot:


This excellent cycling by Sørensen has moved him from 39th place to 26th place in the GC standings!

In other tour news, today versus' filler shots were not opulent chateaus as they were yesterday but instead they focused on the hay bale art along the route that farmers (I assume) put
together to commemorate the race passing by. Most are fairly standard fare, bicycles being the most popular subject matter:


Though I do tip my hat to some other crafty individuals who weren't content with using only bales of hay to show their enthusiasm. This one was crafted with not only hay, but matching threshers and a clever implementation of colored bale bags:


Well, At least there were enough of these that they could show us a different one each time.

No major crashes on my radar today, so stay tuned next week when I'll be sure to have found some stomach-churning gore (your'e fairly warned) for the next KIRT post. Hopefully by that point we'll also have a better idea of who will emerge as the overall winner in the tour, and will finally be able to get some sleep and stop worrying about Lance's time deficit.

...keepin it real Thursdays

So today I'll regale you with three tales of gore and intrigue... Firstly, on Tuesday evening, as I was cycling home down Christye St. about to come to the base of the Manhattan bridge, I was suddenly cut off by a silver station wagon that had been driving to my left and slightly in front of me. Thanks to my cat-like reflexes, I was able to avoid riding headlong into the rear windshield; though I didn't avoid contact altogether.

Since I was riding with my hands on the brake hoods, my right-hand knuckles went onto the tail-light of the offending Volvo, though I didn't realize this until later... Thinking I had just bumped into the car, I stopped riding to admonish the driver for not yielding to bicycle traffic, but he beat me to the punch, so to speak. The guy jumps out of his car and starts cussing me out at the top of his lungs, insisting that I intentionally and maliciously punched his car, 'cause as he said, "I see you people hit cars all the time! Don't try and act like it was an accident!"

By "you people" I can only assume he meant bike messengers, since they're usually the only cyclists in this city that are skilled and confident enough to tap a moving vehicle while evading the threat and not falling over. Actually I was somewhat flattered to be mistaken for the one of the "bad boys of cycling", though I'm not entirely certain of what led him to think I'm a messenger, I suppose it has something to do with my being on a bike, while wearing a backpack, since as we all know, backpacks are worn solely by messengers and no one else.

Once he felt his tirade was complete, he got back into his car and sped away, leaving me incredulous, staring after him. Then, trying to get pen and paper from my backpack to report him, I noticed that my middle finger looked a lot like this though on the other hand and more bloodied (sorry, I didn't have a camera with me that day):


I wish I had been able to remember the name of the lawyer in Carlito's Way, but alas, I'm terrible at coming up good insults on the fly. Anyway, he looked just like that character, so needless to say, it was pretty disheartening to get told off by a curly little punk like that. To make a long story short, it took me a while to both re-locate my finger and forget the guy's diatribe.

To help get my mind away from my worldly troubles, I escaped to the cozy confines of the Tour de France, reveling in the cyclists' determination. However, there certainly are traffic fiascos in the pro peloton too. Watching stage six end on wet catalan streets this morning, I just knew we could expect some spectacular crashes. Behold! Within three kilometers to the finish of a 181.5km stage, famed coke-head and German national road-racing champion, Tom Boonen (pronounced bonin' [as in fornication, yes...]) slips on a road marking, taking out 5-6 other riders in the process.



Unfortunately for Boonen and those other guys, when you're in a crash that close to the finish, they count the time gap instead of giving you the same time as everyone else (as was discussed yesterday) as when the peloton finishes.

Lastly, Mark Cavendish is yet again wearing the green jersey despite the best efforts of Thor Hushovd the stage's winner. During the ritual re-donning of the jersey, he sure didn't look too happy about having to actively defend it tomorrow.


Since tomorrow's stage is a highly anticipated mountain course where Armstrong, Contador, and Cancellara are expected to battle it out for the maillot jaune, the likelihood that the 'dish (strictly a sprinter) will be able to keep the points jersey is pretty slim. It's OK though Mark, I know someone who feels your pain. perhaps he can offer some consolation in song form:



Without a doubt, one of the more touching odes to self worth.

...keepin it real Thursdays

All week I've been trying to come up with an epic fail to write about for today's post. Not coming up with any good ideas, I decided I'd go for a short stroll to organize my thoughts and hopefully happen upon some freak occurrence worth relaying here. I didn't watch any heads roll, though seeing the state of my local bike lane this afternoon brought many opinions to the front of my mind.



Frustrated by these menaces, I cast my gaze skyward hoping for consolation and an explanation from a god I don't believe in, and noticed the sunny skies had become overcast... Walking at a leisurely pace back to the office, I was caught in the initial rainfall before I could make it to the dry indoors.

A woman, scurrying into the lobby, slipped a little before catching herself on the door handle and simultaneously gave me exactly the idea I was hunting for.

July 4th, this coming Saturday, is not only the best day to visit an overpopulated city park or get inebriated on cheap beer; it is also the start of the 96th Tour de France!



As you can see from this video, courtesy of the french, the race starts with a team time trial through Rotterdam, NL (strange that it doesn't start in France, huh?). update: i was confused here, it did in fact, start in Monaco.

If you've no idea what a team time trial (TTT) is, its just like the individual time trial (ITT) where the starts are staggered and each rider races the clock, though in this case, the whole team rides together to get one guy across the finish line fastest. Needless to say, a lot of fancy bikes and pterodactyl helmets come out for these events, both of which are not known for aiding in bodily protection or handling.

This recalled to me the gripping last few minutes of the three-week-long Giro d'Italia 2009. Dennis Menchov, being the race leader, was the last to start the ITT through wet, cobbled, roman streets. If that sounds like a recipe for disaster to you, your instincts serve you well:



This aired in New York around two in the morning and thinking the race was as good as done, we practically shit ourselves when we saw this. One of the most interesting things about this fall was how fast the mechanic got out of the team car, removed a new bike from the roof-rack, and had it standing, ready for Menchov to ride away on before he could even really stand up. That guy deserves a raise if you ask me.

Of course as I said before, Saturday is July 4th which marks the first large-scale refutation of British colonial administration practices. Enjoy the "freedom" eveybody...

...the weekend madness (installment 3)

Well-known people have been dropping like flies this past weekend; aside from MJ and FF dying last week, Billy Mays, the boisterous infomercial king died on Sunday, much to the dismay of couch potatoes, budding entrepreneurs, and television execs everywhere.


Also newly dead is the former women's road racing world champion and frequent olympian, Zinauda Stagurskaya. She was hit by a truck riding on a highway in her native Belarus, training for the national road championships slated to take place later this week. I think it is simultaneously ironic and fitting that a road racing world champion dies on their bike, though the fact that it was due to the carelessnes of a motorist and not the result of an epic battle between professional cyclists pushin' it to the limit.

Of course nothing is going to change with traffic-law enforcement because bicycles are viewed as toys by the government, not as viable alternatives to gas-powered transportation. You could rest assured that if some fat-ass was horsin' around in a pool and accidentally drowned Michael Phelps, the ratio of fat-people-per-pool (FPPP) would decrease significantly from the perceived threat of a blubbery, bubbling demise.


Anyway, not all news from this weekend is so depressing; Gothamist has been tracking a pod of dolphins swimming around in long island sound! Apparently they're going to be here for a while hunting for herring in New York's tidal estuaries, and have already broken off into two gangs; the "City Island crew" and the "Long Island Sound crew" to take control of the herring game up north. Local fisherman have understandibly kept their distance from the pod, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire of a maritime version of New Jack City.

...keepin it real Thursdays

This morning I decided I would try a new route for my commute. Instead of traveling east, through downtown Brooklyn to get on the Manhattan bridge, I opted to ride north (from my recently-named historical neighborhood!) and use the Williamsburg bridge instead. This new route was, for me, an attempt to get a change of scenery on the daily slog to the office, and as such, one should not construe that I was trying to pursue either a time or safety benefit...

I turned onto Bedford Ave. and rode north on its ample bike lane which I must say, was far more pleasant than I expected, though I certainly did encounter my fair share of double parked cops, delivery drivers and salmoning crackheads. With the exception of a cumbersome crossover at the intersection of Rogers + Bedford Aves, and Dean st, Bedford is actually a pretty nice street to bike down. Even the salmon don't bother you as much since the bike lane is so friggin' wide; and since Bedford isn't that commercialized, you don't get so many delivery trucks using that ample space to unload large and unwieldy things.


Of course, any Brooklynite will tell you, Bedford Ave is a long-ass street, and as such, varies greatly from hood to hood. So Just to be clear, I'm referring only to Bedford between Eastern Parkway and the BQE, because north of there it becomes an entanglement of fixed-gear willyburgers, jaywalking hasids, and turn-signal-oblivious livery drivers.

Seeing as I rarely ride into the city on the Williamsburg Bridge, I took the opportunity to document my surroundings before heading into the city. Interestingly, the ride over the bridges is different depending on which direction you're going (for instance, taking the MB into manhattan is a much easier climb and faster descent than going the opposite way).


Also, this afforded me the opportunity to better familiarize myself with the area around the MUP on-ramp. I was riding the other direction a few weeks ago and saw this little ghost bike chained to a parking sign and assumed the worst...


Naturally, I guessed the ghost bike was for a little boy or girl since the bike is so small and in what looks like reasonably good shape, aside from being spray-painted white. Determined to use this sad story as the subject of a KIRT post, I went over and took a better photo of it and read the dedication that was paint-markered in blue on the chainguard:


As I've underlined (in hexidecimal: BADA55) the victim was apparently "26 years young." While I'm still bummed out that this ghost bike has to be here, I feel duped by those who erected the memorial. You can't use a 6-year-old's bike if you're 26, unless of course you happen to be a bear in the circus. Even that is a stretch because the incedence of cycling-bear fatalaties is relatively low these days, especially those due to motorist carelessness.

In hopes to lower the rate of car-cyclist-pedestrian altercations, the city has been closing down certain squares and parts of the avenues to automobile traffic. First Times Sq. and Herald Sq. were closed to north/south traffic, and now broadway is getting new "Protected Bike lanes" from Herald Sq. to 25th st. or so that reduce broadway down to one southbound lane. I happen to work right along that stretch of Broadway, and have been monitoring the progress of the bike lane for some time now. The most recent improvement were signs stating that cars are prohibited from parking or driving in the bike lane. Of course, this is just another sign for motorists to ignore:


The funny thing is, this car must have had to pull over into the hatched area, and then backed up to be halfway into the bike lane like that. I snapped this picture as the owner of the offending Honda came out of a store and shot me a disapproving look. Oh well, commuters in this city are no stranger to vindictive motorists in the bike lane...


At least the bike lane has big friendly arrows painted on the ground to remind bike-salmon of their misdeeds and give creedance to my pleas for uni-directional cycling. In fact, one time, as i had just mounted my bike to ride home for the day, I encountered a woman erratically salmoning up broadway and as she passed me, front wheel flapping this way and that, I gently told her that "bike lanes are one way, just like the streets are for cars." Once she processed what I had said she called back to me "No they're not!" Well, salmoners, take this (from NYC traffic law):

'Bicyclists cannot ride against the flow of traffic. Ride with traffic to avoid accidents' NYCDOT Section4-12 article p.4.v

...keepin' it real Thursdays

Here are a number spectacular fails for you viewing pleasure:

1. The Revolution 2 velodrome crash from 2007.... gruesome.

...at least the dude in last place prior to the pile-up probably won afterward, I don't think they stop these races unless a crash blocks the whole track.

2. This one shows why I'm not a mountain-biker:

...ouch

3. Here's a series showing why its dumb to hold an umbrella while cycling:



Strangely, I see people doing this all the time on my commute. Gotta remember, when its raining, all puddles should be treated as though they are pot-holes.

Ride safely friends...

update: I apologize that the youtube videos get cut off on the right side of the page... I'm working it out and should have it lookin' seamless and cool by the time i post next.
erk

...keepin it real Thursdays

I've decided that in an effort to supply my few readers with a more regularized posting schedule, I'm going to start devoting Thursdays to the reporting of crashes, both spectacular and thought provoking. As all cyclists know, the mind has a tendency to wander and dwell upon things not immediately real. This frequently results in an unpleasant situation that quickly becomes as real as real can be. That said, enjoy watching the proverbial head roll, and keep your eyes on the road!


After being cut off by an SUV while cycling in central park, Brian Dooda got into a media frenzy. Gawker reports that after being maliciously cut off by a speeding SUV, Dooda caught up to the offending vehicle and demanded it slow down, as he was exceeding the park's 25mph speedlimit by a considerable amount. According to the report he gave the Police,

The driver then accelerated, lunging straight into me, knocking me and my bicycle to the ground and to the left side of his car. I quickly got to my feet and positioned myself in front of his vehicle to prevent him from fleeing the scene. I called out to bystanders to call the police and yelled at the driver that he was insane, he just hit me, and he can't leave. The driver again accelerated into me, with no intention of stopping, forcing me, prostrate, onto the drivers side hood of his vehicle. Riding precariously with a 4,000 lb wheel inches from pulling me beneath it, I screamed for the driver to "Stop!!! Please Stop!!" over and over. He continued to ignore my pleas for some 200ft. keeping a steady 5 or 10mph. He then stopped suddenly allowing me to fall off the side of the hood. Just as quickly as he stopped he violently accelerated again knocking me to the side. This time I managed to stay standing. The driver then sped off Northbound. At this point several witnesses came to my aid and reported his license plate.

So the license plate that they recorded the numbers of was also noted to be an "NYP" license plate, i.e. belonging to a member of the press. Relaying the ordeal to Gawker, Dooda joked that he must've been from Fox.

Ahem, here's the good part:

Upon further investigation the driver was identified as Don Broderick, a writer for Fox News! Wow, this really couldn't get any better if we tried...

Wait for it....

Apparently Broderick is also a former NYPost reporter!

Man this just gets better and better, not only is the most reviled news source in the western hemisphere calimant to the highest freaquency of SUV drivers, but they hire vengeful ones with crappy journalistic skills (need we remind ourselves of the Post's past tours de farce?)

Not being one to claim that cyclists are always in the right, I have to say that Brian made a mistake trying to subdue an SUV-driving maniac, expecting to be treated civilly (Mind you, it is safe to assume that those associated with Fox are the kind that when in disagreement about a subject, prefer idle threats of murder and the like to tactics of discussion and resolution). Dooda, maybe you should've just let it go.

Anyway, lets hope Broderick gets the book thrown at him.

...Ahh the times

The New York Times never ceases to amuse me. It may surprise you to find out that it is, in fact, not intended to be a humorous publication! Despite their best efforts at journalism, their correspondents and reporters are showing us all the true product of the American educational establishment.

One such example would be the ever-comical "Spokes" blog about cycling in New York. One of their more recent posts is about people who never learned to ride a bike, or learned as a child and then forgot, and are taking lessons out of embarrassment it seems. The techniques employed by the instructors range from the correct way to learn (getting on and pedaling), to strange methods such as removing the pedals and coasting downhill. Interestingly, the removing the pedals technique was cited as a way to first tackle the balance part before the students moved on to more complicated things like moving their legs.


Imagining middle aged people shakily rolling down a mild slope with maniacal grins simultaneously cracks me up and strikes me with utter fear.

Despite my reasonable amount of experience on a bicycle, and a recently acquired ability to ride in a perfectly straight line, unsteady cyclists scare the shit out of me and my knuckles turn white at the thought of their swelling numbers.

Another post on the Spokes blog is about the popularity of "beater bikes" that can be found at bike-swap meets around the city and people troll for a "$100 lock and $50 bike". I'm all about frugality and utilitarianism, but something about spending more on the lock than the bike doesn't quite compute...

However, Spokes did manage to break one hard-hitting story that is sure to shock and amaze all who read it.


update: i meant to write a tirade about this "study" a while back, but remembered to keep quiet if i couldn't think of anything nice (or funny) to say. Anyway, a related story ran in the NY Post a few weeks back but I neglected it because it seemed too easy to pick on and the Times does such a lovely job with their statistics and "research". Kyle Smith (by whom it is written) is one of those media figures that I just can't seem to figure out; is he seriously this close-minded or is it all an elaborate rouse to make naive people get their panties in a bunch?

In case you're trying to recall what impunity means, as I just did, you'll find the definition beguiling: im·pu·ni·ty - Exemption from punishment, penalty, or harm. I'm not sure how the game-of-death i like to call riding in manhattan exempts me from punishment, penalty, or harm... Really, I don't see it.

Ehh mediocrity subsists, I suppose.

Anyway, speaking of obvious failures, Gehry's stupid proposal for the Atlantic Yards stadium is being canned; though not because it looks like soupy shit, but because it would cost too much (dollars, not neighborhoods) to erect. Unfortunately for us all, this does not mean the Nets will stay in Jersey after all. No, the nonsense of team locations in the tri-state area continues unabated. Without a doubt, some of Brooklyn's most beautiful and historic areas will fall victim to the rapid influx of bridge-and-tunnel meatheads and their demand for overpriced sports/titty bars and SUV parking.


I guess it was a stretch to assume that Bruce Ratner of all people would have the decency to ditch Frank on principle alone. Gehry's "design ability" is in the gutter (it didn't start there?) and leads me to surmise that he too is riding on a wave of past successes and can no longer hack it.

Swing and a miss frankey-boy.