... the parable of the bicycle

I was reading the blogs this morning and came across a tidbit of public design news that piqued my interest. Apparently Kent Ave is, as of yesterday, beginning a conversion into a northbound-only street for car and truck traffic. the bike lanes on either side of the current, two-way road will be combined into the rarely seen two-way bike lane.


I'm no sociologist or city planner, though I must express my apprehension about this move by the city. Though the multi-directionality will be preserved for bicycles, forcing southbound car and truck traffic through the middle of Hasidim will only serve to further strain the tenuous relationship between Williamsburg's landlords and their hipster tenants.

Wythe and Bedford Avenues are vital thoroughfares from Williamsburg through to Pratt (a known hipster breeding ground), and compose a significant portion of "The Great Hipster Silk Route." And though Hasids have raised a (metaphorical) stink about the immodest behavior of hipsters as they pass through their archaic enclave, they will likely find that a few bicycles is nothing compared to the rumbling delivery trucks and reggaeton-blasting Puerto Rico-mobiles that will be diverted into their lives.

On the topic of being resented for the pitfalls of society, I've officially become a jaded cyclist.

I commute to work in Manhattan from Brooklyn every single day I am able, as you no doubt have noted given the abundance of BLRI posts and road-use rants on this blog. In the eight months that I have unshackled myself from the MTA, my reactions to unfortunate traffic situations have morphed from a burning, holier-than-thou rage to passive irritation, and ultimately into the cold, stony ire of inward disdain that I am now only capable of emoting.

Whether I publicly acknowledged it or not, I've mentally flip flopped on a lot of issues in that time; Salmoning, bike lane abuse, and pedestrian oblivity top the list. I am torn between my desire to admonish idiots and intellectual modesty. I have tried numerous times to follow legal and socially acceptable routes of retribution to little or no avail; and conversely, I've also often done the exact opposite to similar effect.

Thankfully there are articles like this one, wherein commentors tragically berate one another with sweeping accusations and generalizations. I am reminded, while reading the shortsighted irritance, that life, like a bicycle, is composed of lots of different parts that serve a variety of useful functions.

While many people would like to think that they are the bottom brackets of the world (around which all power is revolved and within which it is stabalized), the truth is that most people are just cogs on the rear wheel of life; easily replaceable and fairly cheap.

Then there are those who (however necessary it may be) hinder progress by squeezing those who carry the weight of the machine; the brakes to wheels, if you will.

Still, there are the dork disks and spoke-reflectors of society that enjoy a federally mandated existence regardless of their pointlessness and ineffectiveness.

Lastly (that I can draw an allusion to right now, anyway) is the saddle, the ass sweat-soaked ivory tower upon which the bloated rump of reality sits. These are the rare idealists and thinkers who know no better existence than altruistic pursuits of widespread peace and comfort. Their job is a thankless one, and resenting that fact, are known to imitate the petty tomfooleries of other ignored parts, though to much more dramatic ends: (warning: NSFW)

... colorway me a dork disc

This weekend I didn't do any spectacular or inspiring cycling to which a lengthy and abounding write-up would be appropriate. With the exception of some high-pace laps around Prospect Park, I pedaled softly from place to place with the girls, just enjoying the sunshine and pleasant company.


We spent a while at Outpost, a new-to-me cafe x bar collabo on Fulton St. between Grand and Classon Aves. A few of my close friends frequent this establishment on a regular basis and attested to it's quality. I must say, any place where Brooklyn Lager is rightly considered domestic beer (and $4 a bottle) gets a thumbs up from me... too often I go to bars in this city where it certainly isn't the most expensive beer on tap, but it's strangely priced similarly to big-name imports like Stella, Heineken, and Dos Equis.

Seriously though, they brew that shit in Utica (no, not the storied Utica of ancient-times notariety).


However, many things are produced here in the city, such as "custom" machines by Bespoke Bicycles, above.

I went over to check out this store on Lafayette Ave. while the ladies were recuperating from the temptations of expensive clothing across the street. Though they seemed to have quite a few things for sale and the employees seemed nice enough, I didn't actually see any truly bespoke bikes. sure many were be-spoked with shiny new wheels and they all boasted beautiful paintjobs, but I didn't notice any frames that looked custom welded, nor did the telling stench of ozone greet my nose when I went in (a sure sign that someone is, or has been, welding nearby).

I didn't stick around for long so I can't concievably turn this experience into a LBSR, but I must say that I hope they do well and are a permanent fixture in Fort Greene, and I sincerely hope they do actually build custom frames and can find a market for them.

Unfortunately, for people who can afford them, a 'bespoke' bicycle is often more fashion accessory than serious transportation. I'm not saying that I want everyone to be ascetic and discard all but the most fundamentally useful bicycles, but I would like to see reason and utility inform thier purchases, as opposed to 'colorway' coordination and subcultural branding that dominates the bike scene here.

Hipsterdom started the colorway-ing of bicycles a few years back, branching off from the catch moniker of beautiful simplicity and transforming itself into a grotesque industrial behemoth bent on catering to the weens and wans of the wandering and lost youth of Williamsburg.

I suppose there's nothing wrong with wanting your bicycle to be unique or readily identifiable among others; though as I noted before, the fixie scene here has passed the inflection point whereby the exception has become the norm. Like the be-plaided, be-booted, psuedo-anarchy of punks in the nineties, 'deep-vee' rims and miniature handlebars are now the uniform of the urban (and at times, suburban) hip.

That glimmer of rationality in fixed-gear culture that shunned the unnecessary and embraced the minimal has been subverted by people of all entrepeneur-ways. Like so much else in life that derives it's beauty and appeal from it's purity, it has been raped by the long cock of capitalism and public misunderstanding.

One of the products that I find metaphorically apt here is the oft-overlooked dork disk - the thin metal or plastic disk that comes on all new geared-bicycles regardless of price or intended use. It is called the dork disk because if you maintain your derailleur even a little, you have absolutely no need for it.


Similarly, if your bike lacks the ability to shift gears, the dork disk does nothing for you except provide added wieght and possibly another site for colorway-ing your ride. One would then think that this would be a rare sight, but alas, it is not.


Take the above example from fixed gear gallery; this disk must have been intentionally added. I have circled the offending part in colorway BADA55 and likened it to another popular "dork disk" to elucidate my meaning.

Though this bike hasn't maximized it's colorway potential by using a stock-metal disk, it's safe to assume that this trend will likely yeild lots of 'hard-anodized' dork disks in a multitude of styles. Then again, hipsters are known for palping useless appendages for unknown reasons (like beavertail fenders to presumably keep road grime from soiling their threadbare hanes which are undoubtedly already dingy from being exposed to the grimy hipster buttocks upon which they rest).

I don't know if this represents an invasion into bicycle culture by yet another product-way, but if my recent odometer sighting is any indication, the apcalypse seems to be nigh.


Rock on, lock on, SATAN! (to be pronounced SAY-tawn)

... Video Wednesdays

I'm feeling kind of lazy today so thank goodness for video Wednesdays. I found this video of MC SpandX rapping about being a roadie and talking smack about hipsters which always provides some comic relief.



There has been some speculation as to whether Performance Bike secretly produced and distributed this video, though I don't really care. What I do care about is that MC SpandX is obviously ignorant of some of the finer points of both cycling and video-editing.

Firstly, during the chorus when he's lubin' his chain, he sprays his 'super loob' on the top run of the chain, which is incorrect (when lubricating a bicycle chain, always remember to apply oil to the bottom run to minimize the chance of oiling the braking surface of your rim and to flush grime toward the outside of the chain-links).

Also, he's wearing what appears to be the Australian National Champion Jersey, which annoys me.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm not usually inclined to critique one's style or manner of dress save egregious errors of wardrobe, but the widespread 'palping' of national or world champion markings 'rubs' me the wrong way.


Take note of the above rainbow pattern. This 'colorway' is reserved exclusively for use by people who have become a world champion in one cycling discipline or another (road race, TT, match sprint, etc...). Unfortunately, since most people on bikes are not racers (myself included, as of yet anyway) they are not subject to the stringent rules of USAC which would fine or disqualify a rider for misrepresenting him(or her)self as a national or world champion.


Similarly, national champions are accorded the honor of wearing their national jersey at races during the year of thier win, and may have all subsequent jerseys trimmed with that national 'colorway' for the rest of their career.

You may think that I'm going a little overboard by attacking the misappropriation of these 'colorways', but if everyone started wearing the rainbow jersey (and they have), it wouldn't hold any special significance for the few that actually earned it by being the absolute best cyclist in the world. I think it would be really exciting to see someone wearing the rainbow jersey and to know without a doubt that they're the best instead of wondering why they feel it necessary to masquerade as an ideal.

Unfortunately for my rigid principles, all sorts of cycling prody has become available with the rainbow trim. Helmets, pedals, rims, and caps alike have been emblazoned with it and risen accordingly in price (one noteable exception is with bicycles themselves. when a bike brand is ridden to victory by a world champ, the company is allowed to use the rainbow on frames of that year as is the case on all 2008-9 Specialized bikes, thanks to the likes of Paolo Bettini and Alessandro Ballan).

Little do these poseurs know, like salmon, those who don the rainbow jersey are a cursed population.

Then again, there have been much more brguiling trends amongst cyclists as evidenced by these strange handlebar grips forwarded to me by a reader:


Gives new meaning to screwing the guy next to you doesn't it?

...prunings and eye candy

• The Big Picture is an awesome photo-journalism arm of Boston.com where you can waste hours flipping through large format pictures of excellent composition on a smattering of subjects. My current favorite, of course: 2009 Tour de France. (forwarded by a reader)
  

• Sashae's Flickr photostream of cyclists and their bikes. It seems primed to become (gasp) another Cycle-Chic blog though of the fixed gear and grungy urban-chic, not the 'artistically' monochromed and leather saddled-chic to which we have become accustomed. (via Prolly)
  

• This prototype tail-light that paints colored lines on the road with lasers to help drivers be aware of clearances you require when they pass. I thought that this was just another product enabling hipsters to further customize their fixed-gear bikes until I saw this video. Considering that the lines don't fade under headlights and ambient light, I will definitely get one of these if they decide to make them in multiple 'colorways'. (via altitude)
  

• Students at MIT are developing batteries for electric cars that can be fully recharged in 10 minutes flat! Let's see if the government squashes this as quietly and efficiently as they did the EV1. (via Inhabitat)

• Using Wiimotes as tracking devices, Japanese researchers have figured out how to create touchable holograms utilizing a "phenomena called acoustic radiation pressure" to create sensations in a user's hand. I wonder how long it'll take for this to turn into hyper-realistic, interactive porn... (via physorg.com)

• The great hipster silk route has widened to accomodate a new watering hole in the form of Der Schwarze Kölner, a new beer garden that has just opened on Fulton and S. Oxford St. Considering they offer liter mugs, I may have to stop in tonight for a cold one or three. (via NYTimes: Ft. Greene/Clinton Hill blog)
  

...the weekend sanity (installment 7)

I really didn't do much of anything this weekend. My boss doesn't feel it's necessary to pay me on time anymore and the moohare was up in Boston, so I was at a loss for what to do with my scarce funds and ample free-time.

I joined a (different) few friends who were biking up to go camping on Bear Mountain on Saturday morning and accompanied them as far as Nyack, not wanting to get back to Brooklyn too late. I have to say one of the weirdest feelings I've felt recently was when I rode back through Manhattan on that Saturday night after having biked over a hundred miles to Bear Mountain and back. I've never felt so out of place as I did looking haggard and dripping sweat at traffic lights in the village, as perfumed young socialites and wannabe players strutted by.

The ride through New Jersey was the same as it always is, so I opted to forgo bringing the camera since it would just be a reiteration of previous posts. However, Instead of taking the Williamsburg bridge, as I had on past trips, we used the Manhattan Bridge and cut across Soho to the WSH. We rode from Bed-Stuy along Flushing toward Dumbo, passing the impound lot and turning onto Sands st.

The last time I rode on any of these streets, they were either in complete disrepair or under construction (which is frequently worse for cyclists than simply dealing with the crappy roads). For that reason, I usually commute from Prospect Heights, where I live, through downtown Brooklyn to access the bridges. That route has become a force-of-habit and my commute is getting to be a little stale; so to shake things up a bit, I took a fairly different route this morning in order to present this double-edition BLRI!!!!

As I do most every day, I rode Vanderbilt Avenue northbound after turning off of my picturesque, brownstone-lined slice of Brooklyn. I usually opt to use this avenue at the outset of most of my trips by bicycle because it boasts both well-maintained bike lanes and conscientious pedestrians. It should be noted, however, that the amicability of the locals and light traffic seem to breed salmon (especially of the sidewalk variety).

Despite the infestation of idiots, Vanderbilt is a great street to ride, especially given the new Brooklyn Bike and Board shop between Bergen and Dean which enjoys a steady flow of business from weekend warriors, displaced hipsters, and commuters alike (and which was the subject of a recent LBSR).


Continuing across Atlantic Avenue, the bike lane sadly disappears and one must forcefully seize a lane from the clutches of vile Livery cars. The road quality is dramatically lower than before despite passing through what is in my opinion, one of Brooklyn's most beautiful neighborhoods, Fort Greene.


While I'm no fan of Neo-Gothic 'Architecture,' I've always enjoyed having silly buildings (like this private school) in and around my neighborhood, if for no better reason than to have something to joke about. It's useful in the way those kitschy Urban Outfitters trinkets are; a springboard for sematic debates about the rediculousness of consumerism and the wayward souls who are comforted by it.

Continuing past the BQE toward the Brooklyn Navy Yard, I was surprised to see a motorcycle shop x vespa dealership collabo (I'll be damned, they're growing in popularity):


It is my opinion that while scooters are a more reasonable choice of transport in congested cities than cars are; their continued use of gasoline and the haughty sense of self-righteousness they foster in their owners are just plain bad for society. (OK, I started to go off on a tangent about how much scooter-ers bug me, so I'm gonna reserve that for a later post).

After passing the police impound lot on Navy St, I turned onto Sands St. which has been wonderfully re-designed as the most bicycle conscious street NYC has presented me with! For that reason, this street will hold top-slot as the only A+ I will ever issue (unless if course this becomes the norm and then there's just no point in continuing the BLRI except to bitch).


I can't believe we actually have this kind of bike lane in Brooklyn! These are without a doubt the best kind (I bet Arup designed it)! As far as I know (and I bike a lot) this is the first of it's kind in NYC, as it is a noticeably brand-spankin'-new iteration of what has been done for years in places like Copenhagen.

Sands St., though a measly two blocks in length, has been transformed into what is arguably the best solution for cyclist - motorist altercations. Notice how the bike lanes are separated by a median and are located at the center of the road instead of in the door-swing range of parked cars. Also note (if you can) that the bike lanes, median, and stripey area are elevated about 6 inches above the car's lane. This is exactly what needs to be done with all streets to quell the incessant bickering between cabbies (who of course need to drop off and pick up passengers somewhere) and the cyclists they routinely cut off.

Unfortunately, most streets here are one way (despite what one would gather from the bourgoning salmon population) and despite its simplicity, this method of bike-lane separation may not work everywhere.

Continuing over the bridge and up through the city along my usual route, I decided that in the day's spirit of new routes, I'd try to ride up Park Ave instead of turning on 13th and taking 6th Ave as I normally would. I had tried this the very first day I commuted to work by bike and didn't have the grapes to try it again, though I was much less experienced with cycling in Manhattan at that point.

Now that I'm a bona-fide city cyclist, Park Avenue seemed like a walk in the park compared to 6th Ave (which you'll remember was recently awarded the BLRI rating of F), despite not having any bicycle designations or markings.

I think as long as you're comfortable riding between cars at around 20 mph Park Ave is definitely safer than using the 'bike lane' on 6th or the dumb separated paths on 8th or 10th. Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed that there are virtually no good bike-paths to take you downtown?

Until next time friends, mind the traffic.