6.30.2009

...shameless solicitation

So that woman of mine started a blog recently, posting seductive little photos of Brooklyn and a certain miniature lagomorph that is rather near-and-dear to me.

Not being skilled at evading irony, I noticed my readership has risen 106.05% since she started her blog two days ago. Ha! I guess it pays to have a popular and attractive woman introduce people to you. It's sort of like having my very own Vanna White, the only difference being she's not all that blonde or white...


...and it goes without saying that I am easily three times as dapper as Pat Sajak, and have a third the number of chins he does [zing!].

Since the dawn of time, man has struggled valiantly to harness the power of T&A for financial gain, using scantily clad women in compromising positions to imbue weak minds with vain hopes of attaining sexual nirvana by dressing, eating, or drinking in a given manner. Now, the funny part is that though many men are privy to these advertising shenanigans, they are powerless to resist the alluring gazes of billboard vixens.

The sport of cycling is one traditionally dominated by males and largely ignored by females (french women excluded). Until rather recently, the extent of women's involvement in cycling has been limited to being podium girls or masseuses. Luckily, there are now many notable female cyclists (like the one who died last weekend), and not all of them are raging dykes.

Fyxomatosis, a blog about fixed gear bikes of all shapes and "colorways", has a couple telling slideshows of cutsey hipster chicks fornicating with urban bike culture:


How rare and awe-inspiring it would be to see a model pedaling by, fully decked out in Eddy Merckx world champ duds! Of course, both the bike and the clothes are being marketed toward guys, not girls, so the sex-logic is lost somewhat, though I imagine its sort of like when trashy bimbos throw themselves on the hoods of customized economy cars, inspiring thousands of tiny asian boners and after-market parts sales. Surfing around for images of the late Farrah Fawcett yesterday, I ran across one that I think fits nicey within the context of sexification:


I don't know what kind of bike that is or even if it would fit me, but I want it; then perhaps my boyhood dreams of being fawned over by hot women for lame and trivial successes would come true!

Taking this to heart, I wonder if it couldn't hurt to apply some sexification to my blog and attract untold amounts of new readers, beckoned by the possibility of nsfw hyperlinks and increased libido-by-association. So be on the lookout for sexy new accouterments in the near future!

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