12.08.2009

... Teitelbaum v. Teitelbaum and the Birth of Responsible Cycling

If you live in Brooklyn and ride a bicycle, it is likely that Bedford Avenue is not only convenient for you, but downright necessary. That's why when the city had 14 blocks of it ripped up from Flushing Avenue to Division Avenue last week, pretty much everyone on two wheels got pissed.

A lot of strong words and sweeping accusations were made as to the reasoning behind the bike lane's removal, but in the 'end' nobody's gotten a straight answer from either the Hasidic community through which the lane passed, or any city agencies (It should be noted that the stretch of removed lane lies squarely within the portion of Williamsburg most densely populated by the Hasids) directly responsible.

The silence of the City, to say the least, is rather troubling. I for one don't like knowing that the government (at any scale) has the blatant disregard for its own citizenry to refuse to explain what it is doing, especially when what it is doing has a dramatic and adverse effect on its "green" ambitions and public safety.

For better or worse, hundreds if not thousands of cyclists ride this road every day to access both manhattan via the bridge and North Williamsburg; so it is to be expected that some bored hipsters would get it in their heads to retaliate with the only weapons they have -- art supplies and oodles of free time.



Rumor had it that these "gorillas" (whatever that means) were stopped by the Hasid community watch (Shomrim) who then notified the NYPD, who then arrested those involved. Of course, that rumor came from a Hasidic blog and turned out to be completely false. While both the Shomrim and NYPD showed up, nobody was arrested and nobody was even issued a summons. then again, nobody ever said Hasids held ideals of virtue and truth too high...

Despite what I just wrote, I don't like to pass judgment on a people before I know all I can about them and their customs. I have spent a great deal of time trying desperately to understand the mentality of Hasidic Jews and why they do the seemingly illogical and anti social things they do...

Unfortunately, I have had little to no luck on this front, thanks in large part to the tradition of strict isolationism they practice; so I am left only with speculation. However, there are a few things one can surmise peering in on their society from without:

First, Hasids have a deep-seated belief in "god" (aka yaweh), and must be so convinced both that he exists and that they are his chosen people, they have absolutely no fear of death, which is evidenced by the alarming frequency and heedlessness with which they jaywalk on every roadway that may stand in their way.

What's even worse is the fact that cavalier attitude toward very dangerous traffic sets an extremely bad example for their children, who flit in and out of the roadway with even less care than do their parents.

This is annoying because their principal argument for the Bedford Bike lane's removal is safety for their children, which given their pedestrian habits (pun very much intended) is complete bullshit. Their other argument is that girls on bicycles riding through their neighborhood dress in too racy a manner for their taste, and that for the preservation of their chauvanistic culture, the lascivious display of ankles and shoulders must stop, lest it give their women some crazy idea that they have a right to make decisions for themselves.

Secondly, Hasidic Jews openly dislike anyone falling into their "goiyem" category, and are socially encouraged to extort, defraud, and generally cause indirect financial hardship for anyone not like them.

For people so concerned with persecution and acceptance (nearly every jewish holiday has something to do with their ancestor's problems in Egypt, Palestine, Europe, etc...) they're really quite blind when it comes to reflecting on their own actions.

At any rate, what I found interesting in my research into these religious zealots is that within their hermetic enclave, they have divided into rivaling factions that have such animosity that they can be expected to vote against anything the other votes for. Roughly half of the Hasids in this neighborhood identify either with this guy, Zalman Teitelbaum;


Or this guy, Aaron Teitelbaum.


The particulars of these brothers' connection is complex and largely apochryphal, so i'll just leave it that Zalman, the usurper, hates the Bedford ave bike lane and so naturally, Aaron loves it. So it turns out that several members of the A. Teitelbaum sect were slated to come out to help the hipsters reinstate the bike lane, but made only a token appearance.

Since there is no clear way to make cyclists, hipsters, and Hasids happy; I wonder if something drastic could at least help move things in a positive direction.

What if there were no such things as bike lanes? I had previously tried mightily to rate and explain the pros and cons of bike lanes, though quickly came to the realisation that all bike lanes everywhere suffer from the exact same problems, no matter how they are designed or where they are implemented:

Bike-Salmon,


Double- or otherwise illegally- parked cars,


and pedestrians,


If you think about it, cordoning off a stripe of roadway is extraordinarily convenient for everyone except the cyclists it is supposed to be for. It is a secure area for salmoning where if it did not exist, the salmon might be too frightened to ride upstream. It is an out-of-the-way spot for taxis, delivery trucks, and the Police to park while conducting their business. It is a great place for pedestrians to walk while waiting to jaywalk or hail a cab.

In short, all of these problems might be at least partially solved if bike lanes simply didn't exist. People who double park might feel more self conscious about blocking a dedicated traffic lane as opposed to a bike lane since bikes apparently don't belong on the road anyway. Pedestrians might stay on the sidewalk or at least be more cautious about leading out from between parked cars to jaywalk...

Of course this would stymie our collective effort to get as many people on bikes as possible (as a "green" initiative only), as many riders inexperienced with riding in real traffic would simply opt to take the subway instead out of fear. But imagine for a moment if, due to the lack of bike lanes, thousands of people continued to ride their bicycles, though in traffic and not cowering at the roadside waiting to get sideswiped.

I think it would literally force drivers and pedestrians to once and for all take us seriously as legitimate road users. Also, motorists wouldn't be able to bitch that we're robbing them of a lane anymore, so we'd simultaneously be disarming our most vocal opponents of their most tired tirade.

Though this will never happen. Bike lanes are now the barometer of "green-ness" and if the government can't fool people into thinking it has their best interests in mind with sad little bike lanes, how will we then be fed self-satisfaction?

Sorry about the rant.... and the title-bomb... just had to get this off my chest